Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off, so he decided to give us both a lecture about it. My brother ended up saying, "If God doesn't want me to jerk off, how come he made my knob the perfect shape to fit in my hand?" I burst out laughing and now we're both grounded. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I "jack off real weird." FML
Today, I was in bed, about to fall asleep, when I remembered something funny. While trying not to laugh, I started grunting and biting my lip, when suddenly my brother walked by my door. He refuses to believe that I wasn't masturbating. FML
Today, I heard some gossip at school about a weird kid who supposedly jerks off at every house he visits. They were talking about my brother. FML
Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML
Today, my brother walked in on me jerking off. I managed to close the porn tab, at least, only to end up on my mom's Facebook profile. FML
Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me jerking off. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I wasn’t Skyping my boyfriend, while both of us were totally naked. I had just told him to “put those toes in your mouth and I’ll cum like you’ve never seen before”. FML
Today, I had to convince my nine year-old brother to stop using my biology textbook as a masturbatory aid so I could actually get some studying done. FML
Today, my little sister asked what masturbation was. We were having a family dinner with my grandparents. My mother then said, "Why don't you ask your brother? He is a pro." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
tigerthepredator 16
Your brother makes a good point
latenerd 11
Sorry you both got grounded OP, but that was hysterical! I don't blame you for laughing. Your dad is wrong to try to shame both of you for something normal.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (67)
lambda_fml 40
Your brother deserves it for getting caught.
mushie12 21
Good point.
cakester123 11
Haha your brother is great.
worldclassrager 41
Guidance for well...I'll just leave it at that...
donb23 23
I am "religious" but my opinion is better to 'spill your seed" then to get a girl pregnant. Enjoy your youth and good feelings that God gave you.
edward_cooper 10
dude to get a girl prego you gota get a girl first and you cant do that if the prob is your face. so stfu
lovely234_fml 16
Please tell your brother that I am giving him a high five, because that response was badass.
hunt3009 16
Honestly you deserved to get grounded... Even if you disagree with your dad, he was trying to give you a serious speech, and it probably made him angry that you started laughing, because he took it to mean you didn't care.
GrassSlipper420 14
rotflmfao ???❤?
xrayspecs 6
Yeah, I actually laughed out loud at that! Brilliant response! Shame you got grounded, but hey, at least your brother knows how he'll kill the time!
edmunson 22
If God didn't want you to jerk off he would have given you T-Rex arms!