Today, I heard some gossip at school about a weird kid who supposedly jerks off at every house he visits. They were talking about my brother. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML
Today, I walked over to join a group of friends and heard them talking about how hot some guy was but how ugly his sister was. I asked who they were talking about and there was an awkward silence, they hadn't realized I was there. Apparently, they were talking about my brother. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML
Today, whilst my parents and I were out, my older brother thought it would be funny to play porn on my computer. At full volume. With my window wide open. Now my next-door neighbors tell their kids I'm a spawn of Satan, and the weird guy from across the street winks at me. FML
Today, I went to pick up my little brother from his friend's house. When I got there, he ran off screaming that he didn't know me. His friend's parents believed him. FML
Today, I was in bed, about to fall asleep, when I remembered something funny. While trying not to laugh, I started grunting and biting my lip, when suddenly my brother walked by my door. He refuses to believe that I wasn't masturbating. FML
Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML
Today, I listened to my best friend describe having sex with her boyfriend in explicit detail. This would have been fine, but her boyfriend is my little brother. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML
Today, at college, I walked in on some kid jerking off in front of the bathroom sink. This place never ceases to amaze and disgust me. FML
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Top comments
jen1097 25
Let's hope it's just gossip...
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Did he also do it in a drug test cup?
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Comments (39)
jen1097 25
Let's hope it's just gossip...
kred 21
Giggity......
IAmzephyr 22
with all these downvotes, looks like you're getting shrekt
Dale_shackleford 13
At least your pun is ogre
Thoricsteam20 24
They're all a couple of jerk offs
Garrett2818 21
They're all two jerk offs?
chuka81 27
I've heard of peeing to mark your territory. Not much different from jerking of really.
krazy789 28
.... What??
supr_sexy 9
OP's brother is trynna mark his territory.
isuckwithnames 22
It Takes balls to do jerk off in every house you visit.
heartofhannah 28
You tried
weird_adult 27
Is your brother a hound dog by any Chance?
LyricaSilvan 30
I think you mean "horn dog."
nickie_94 18
You might want to warn your brother about those rumors
silky_mitts 11
Probably happens a lot in Georgia
Kaoticwolf 17
there's a kid named Ben that jacks off everywhere just hope it's not him
nerovetsrethca 20
I hope it's just a rumor. But maybe tell or ask your brother about it. Rumors most of the time start with something little and gets bigger and faker everytime its passing someone.