Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off, so he decided to give us both a lecture about it. My brother ended up saying, "If God doesn't want me to jerk off, how come he made my knob the perfect shape to fit in my hand?" I burst out laughing and now we're both grounded. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I "jack off real weird." FML
Today, I was in bed, about to fall asleep, when I remembered something funny. While trying not to laugh, I started grunting and biting my lip, when suddenly my brother walked by my door. He refuses to believe that I wasn't masturbating. FML
Today, I heard some gossip at school about a weird kid who supposedly jerks off at every house he visits. They were talking about my brother. FML
Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML
Today, my brother walked in on me jerking off. I managed to close the porn tab, at least, only to end up on my mom's Facebook profile. FML
Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me jerking off. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I wasn’t Skyping my boyfriend, while both of us were totally naked. I had just told him to “put those toes in your mouth and I’ll cum like you’ve never seen before”. FML
Today, I had to convince my nine year-old brother to stop using my biology textbook as a masturbatory aid so I could actually get some studying done. FML
Today, my little sister asked what masturbation was. We were having a family dinner with my grandparents. My mother then said, "Why don't you ask your brother? He is a pro." FML
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Top comments
tigerthepredator 16
Your brother makes a good point
latenerd 11
Sorry you both got grounded OP, but that was hysterical! I don't blame you for laughing. Your dad is wrong to try to shame both of you for something normal.
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Comments (67)
LevelupKid 8
Your dad is ******* retarded. There is no way he possible made it all the way through puberty and possibly until he got married(since you said he was religious) with out jerking off. Seriously.
stessytaylor7 2
That's better than going out and getting a girl pregnant! Teenage hormones and urges have to be felt with somehow.
edward_cooper 10
your brother is damn savage
norgesprins 6
Hysterical ??
nickfraser98 11
Hot
intreker05 5
In his defense, I'd be an uptight jerk if I couldn't ********** either. On the upside, though, being grounded should mean plenty of time to engage in the very activity your brother got in trouble for.
sethr_di 15
golden response, couldn't have said it better myself
x_the_lancer_x 13
This like completely boggles my mind. Like, if I as a father caught my son or daughter masturbating I would just say sorry and leave and never bring it up (or act awkward about it) or anything. It's normal and healthy. Just do it in private, I don't give a shit. Everyone does it, everyone has a desire to do it, no shame in it.
Manual_Manoosy 21
Cool story bro
SinnMaster 8
If you don't sin Jesus died for nothing.