Perv
Today, I had to convince my nine year-old brother to stop using my biology textbook as a masturbatory aid so I could actually get some studying done. FML
Today, I had to convince my nine year-old brother to stop using my biology textbook as a masturbatory aid so I could actually get some studying done. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML
Today, my mom went through my textbook and sharpied everything that could be "pornographic." It's a high-school biology textbook. FML
Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off, so he decided to give us both a lecture about it. My brother ended up saying, "If God doesn't want me to jerk off, how come he made my knob the perfect shape to fit in my hand?" I burst out laughing and now we're both grounded. FML
Today, my 19 year-old brother called me a moron and told me to go read a book, after I corrected him when he said girls don't have colons. FML
Today, I was on MSN with my friend and my 9 year old brother. My friend asked me for some advice about how to give a guy a good blowjob. I went into great detail, and then realised that I had typed it to the wrong window. I gave my little brother tips on how to perform fellatio. FML
Today, I had to explain to my incredibly sheltered 15-year-old brother that no, you don't wear condoms on your balls, and that they don't work by squeezing your balls so the sperm are blocked from coming out when you ejaculate. FML
Today, I actually had to teach my 9-year-old brother how to pour himself a glass of milk, after he burst out in tears when my sister told him to do it himself. His astonishing ignorance also extends to basic hygiene. FML
Today, my eight year-old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mindfucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML
Today, my little brother went through all the artistic anatomy reference books and colored in all the nipples and penises with a bright pink sharpie. These books were from the library. FML
Today, I had to explain to my brother why it's not OK to stick his knob in the toaster. FML
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Top comments
Maguru 17
A little too early to be introduced to bookkake isn't he?! In all seriousness though that's concerning. I hope your parents will intervene because it sounds like he needs the talk and another about personal belongings. .-.
alphafish17 16
Hey some people are really in to cell division!
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Comments (70)
Scorpio01 16
Haha... Kids..
amileah13 26
Wtf would he be looking at in there to get him off?
jackassthebadass 11
You'd be surprised what they put in some of them
amileah13 26
Well in ours, the naked people were diagrams. They weren't actually real pictures they were computerized. Just crazy
lationas 25
Maybe plants and flowers? You never know nowadays :p
pokemyeyes 23
We didnt even have pictures of people in ours, bio was limited to plants
aruden 25
I think for a nine year old anything that resembles the female anatomy would work, they don't have much to compare it to.
PhinIt2WinIt 24
Florida 2012 chapter 34 is very informing . Wait I Never realized that those sly editors..
udaykataria 18
not all boys want to be looking at female anatomy.
HollyQuinn 21
Eww no. Isn't 9 a bit young to be doing that? And if not, is he not allowed to use the internet or something?
chinaski7628 32
1. Children begin masturbating at a young age (there's even evidence they do it in the womb). It's generally not driven by sexual thought/desire—they just find something that feels good, so they do it. They're driven by the pleasure principle. It is generally harmless, and they usually learn to control their urges when they understand them and their body better. 2. Why the **** would you suggest having a NINE year old watch Internet ****? It's one thing for a child to be curious (and aroused) by the human body, especially as he's learning about it, but it's quite another to plunk down a nine year old in front of **** Hub and tell him to go crazy. I really hope you understand the difference.
HollyQuinn 21
I think you took me a little too seriously there, chill out.
NatalySNA 21
I hear that they get erections as early as being in the womb but them masturbating? Umm..highly doubt it because they do not even have full control of their body at that time. They cannot even calculate where the penis is much less **********. So if that was my child I would be concern because if they start doing that at such a young age it is because they have been exposed to. So a therapist wouldn't hurt him to have.
syki 22
Actually, both male and female fetuses are known to ********** in the womb. And they absolutely have at least some degree of muscle control—it’s not like it takes a neurosurgeon's precision to rub your hand against your genitals.
chinaski7628 32
22—You are correct that aggressive or unusual sexual behavior in young children can be a sign of sexual abuse, however, masturbation in children is normal and fairly common. It isn't anything to be concerned about unless the child is hurting him/herself, is doing it excessively at inappropriate times, or displays unusual or advanced sexual knowledge. Young children (pre-pubescent) are not sexual beings. They do not have a sex drive or sexual desire in the same way adults do. If something feels good, they do it. While in college, I nannied for toddlers, taught preschool, and ran summer programs for elementary school kids. In those four years, I can't even tell you the amount of conversations I had to have with children (and their parents) about "private time". In contrast, in the 15 years I've taught high school, I've only had to have that conversation once (with a developmentally disabled girl and her parents). Anyone who's worked with young children has similar stories. I know for many adults, it seems odd, or creepy and disturbing, but read any child development book. It's a perfectly normal part of development. Btw—that's why it's so incredibly important that parents teach their children about their bodies at a young age, and continue with age/developmentally appropriate sex/health education from the toddler years through the teen years. Kids are already exploring their bodies, so they need to learn what their bodies do. Sorry for the long comment, but it's important for parents and adults to understand that this is normal and not to shame a child for it or immediately assume the child has been abused. That could damage a child's future outlook on sex. I'm not saying you should encourage or teach a child to **********, but it is normal for children to explore their bodies.
Bloodmorphed 7
nicely said. just most people arent gonna read that... saldly.
Maguru 17
A little too early to be introduced to bookkake isn't he?! In all seriousness though that's concerning. I hope your parents will intervene because it sounds like he needs the talk and another about personal belongings. .-.
Le_ponderer 14
9 year old? That's disturbingly young to be consciously taking out time to rub one out. It's true that his body recognises sexual stimuli at this young age but if not cautioned, he might become sexually engaged with someone; without understanding the possible outcomes.
xTommytheGUNx 15
i started at 9...
mattyiscool123 26
The only thing a kid doesn't have is the testosterone, everything can still happen
alphafish17 16
Hey some people are really in to cell division!
tantanpanda 26
I personally prefer photosynthesis. Nothing beats plants making their own energy. ;]
lavapants 15
What the **** is he doing jerking himself off at 9 years old?
NickACD 27
I jerked off back in grade school. And I knew full well what I was doing
bonermonkey 31
I was doing it by 9 and I'm fine :l
Mackade 18
Ok, "bonermonkey".
Cads1 24
How has he not discovered the Internet?
daz18m 15
Tell him to leave it alone. It's going fall off before he reaches puberty the way he's going.
lexiieeex3 32
Was the Internet down or something?
NickACD 27
Are you really encouraging a nine year old to watch internet ****. Second, you're a said human being if you're that much into your electronics where you think nine year olds all have access to phones and shit. If you have a nine year old and they have a phone, you're a shitty parent