Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, but my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say, so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse." He laughed and I died a little inside. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, I finally felt ready for intimacy with my boyfriend, and I sent him a sexy picture of myself topless. He texted back, "Ewwwww." FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were feeling a little naughty, so we started talking dirty. I was really into describing a sweaty sex scene, when I heard my dad cough. He had picked up the other house phone to make a call, and had heard it all. FML
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Top comments
genius_man16 1
Your boyfriend is kind of a dick. Kidding or not.
DirtyParkBench 0
Ahh, wow. FML. Who was he picturing before, then?
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Comments (183)
fyourlife33 0
alright im done entertaining everyone i have to get back to work.. have a good day.. or maybe you'd understand better if i said... hav a gud day im out
1234five 0
hahaha love this
quinnteh 0
Has anybody ever seen the OP post in the comments on this website? Has anybody ever submitted an FML which actually got posted? I suspect that this website doesn't really work the way they tell us it works.
fyourlife33 0
she got deleted? well dang
LifeSux19 0
Next time when he start talking like that...say something similar
fyourlife33 0
#65 yes ive seen the OP post on their comment before but only one time. i havent ever attempted to submit one though but i did see the op comment one time.. they get a special symbol beside their comments that shows its the op
Polionixon 2
Your face.
johntybro 0
wow! that's pretty jacked up..maybe he was just joking
life_sux1234 0
It depends on how you made that line " I want you to picture me naked, baby" sound. Maybe you just couldn't do it good. LOL but that was still harsh for your boyfriend to say.
kitkatmiaow 21
...
eliz3 0
I'm just wondering why the "sex" tag has been changed to "intimacy"??
unlucky_angel02 0
They also changed the I agree, you life's f***ed to I agree your life sucks. Idrk
anniebananie 3
Same reason "your life is ******" is now "your life sucks" .... whatever that reason may be. Maybe they're trying to appeal to a wider audience now.
sdroze1389 31
because the site has been invaded by 12 year olds with lawsuit happy parents possibly?
unlucky_angel02 0
Your bf is such an ass! Thank God you're his gf, cause if not, what would he say!? Get back at him. BIG TIME
quinnteh 0
If she's not, and she says that kind of line to him, then she'd deserve whatever she gets back from him.