Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, but my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say, so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse." He laughed and I died a little inside. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, I finally felt ready for intimacy with my boyfriend, and I sent him a sexy picture of myself topless. He texted back, "Ewwwww." FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were feeling a little naughty, so we started talking dirty. I was really into describing a sweaty sex scene, when I heard my dad cough. He had picked up the other house phone to make a call, and had heard it all. FML
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Top comments
genius_man16 1
Your boyfriend is kind of a dick. Kidding or not.
DirtyParkBench 0
Ahh, wow. FML. Who was he picturing before, then?
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Comments (183)
fallenarchangel 0
Hm....
groundedgirl 0
no one here can say you deserve it because first of all you dont even know what she looks like! cause if shes that ugly or that fat or whatever she wouldnt even have a bf and if that boyfriend thought she was so ugly then how was he getting horney by talking to her.he was probly just jokeing.
sdroze1389 31
wow please learn to spell. at least he is honest with her so that merits some positive points right?
CFR 0
As if...starts telling you he's horny and he doesn't even want you. Stupid shit. Dump the man *****.
skiaballa 0
lolpwned
Stupidstupidrat 0
Maybe your reading too much into it. It could be that you finished the sentence with the word 'baby'. I mean seriously, baby? Also, maybe the OP has a smoking body but a really unfortunate voice...
countryb_cth 38
I don't see how she was reading into it too much. He sighed and then said "ew you just killed it." I'm pretty sure to anyone that sounds like he doesn't think she is attractive naked. If it was because of her saying baby he would have just told her, and then it wouldn't be an FML
fyourlife33 0
what the **** do you think he was picturing before that, he was obviously joking. cause if you were fat and ugly he should have left your ass a long time ago
Anonanimal 0
good point
UncleverName_FYL 0
umwat just face it man you're never going to out troll jandersonii
oblong127 0
you deserve it for killing the mood.
fyourlife33 0
whoa #35 are you gonna beat his ass.. get over yourself and off the roids its ******* jokes on the internet who cares
fyourlife33 0
oh wait i just checked and you're a 15 year old girl, either way who cares he's just joking about all his stuff to get replies and most of it is funny if you understand that it is a JOKE