Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, but my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say, so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse." He laughed and I died a little inside. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, I finally felt ready for intimacy with my boyfriend, and I sent him a sexy picture of myself topless. He texted back, "Ewwwww." FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were feeling a little naughty, so we started talking dirty. I was really into describing a sweaty sex scene, when I heard my dad cough. He had picked up the other house phone to make a call, and had heard it all. FML
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Top comments
genius_man16 1
Your boyfriend is kind of a dick. Kidding or not.
DirtyParkBench 0
Ahh, wow. FML. Who was he picturing before, then?
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Comments (183)
Qup 0
he's an assbomb.
callargh 0
Repeat after me, kids: DTMFA!
jodie2point0 0
.
BWC1234 0
mayve shes really ugly
dezzr 0
i think you said it wrong. you gotta be like "picture me naked, choking on your huge dong"
person1000003 0
He sux...
greatnt249 0
OP, ever stop to think that you just suck at talking dirty instead of jumping to the conclusion that he thinks you're unattractive?
xmayan543x 0
lol he is an idiot like rly how can he talk about being horny and next u ask wat u said and he was like u ruin the moment LIKE WTF HE SHOULD GET HARDER THEN HORNYER or HORNIEST LMFAO HAHA ~im stupid :)~ btw he is an idiot like who would say that to his gf ~.~
YLS 0
Yeah, I think it's the fact that you don't know how to talk dirty. At all. Good job, it's not hard, but you cocked it up. "I want to **** you so hard~" "I want you to picture me naked! :D"
Rota 0
See? Total boner kill. Thanks a lot captain Buzz Killington.
snzizle 0
fyourlife33: you are probably the biggest asshole i've ever encountered online. of course, studies show it's much easier to be a horrible person when ur hiding behind ur computer screen. go get a life