Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML
Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML
Today, I went to the Doctors and the nurse asked if I was married, in which I responded "yes". Then she asked if I was sexually active... "no". FML
Today, I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup. After getting my blood-pressure taken, my finger pricked, etc, the doctor began to ask me some questions. When asked if I was sexually active, I responded "Yes". The doctor started laughing. FML
Today, I had to feed an elderly man in the care home in which I work while he was whacking off. Our work policy states that I have to pretend not to notice. FML
Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML
Today, I volunteered at a nursing home. I approached a lonely, old man who had a type of nervous tick. I went over to speak to him, and not even four sentences into our conversation he says, "I'd really like to make love to you." What I thought was a tick was actually him stroking himself. FML
Today, I asked my husband, of only a year, why we don't have sex anymore. He said it's because he masturbates. When I asked how often he did it, he replied "Every day that we don't have sex..." FML
Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML
Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML
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Top comments
RouletteRed 6
He's builing up those arms! =D
iAmScrubs 19
Wait for him to demonstrate the interpretive dance masturbation.
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Comments (89)
chelseaaababyyy 17
he can still get it up. good for him(:
rarememory 7
Sounds to me like you got what you asked for! Be more specific next time YDI
zombiekitten87 12
Well... You did ask..
sematariux 7
Sounds like I have something to look forward to at that age
captainfalcon7 0
That must take him awhile..
i_am_that_one 0
"oh yeh, first I put my hand like this and, oh wait, can u come over here and help me with this..?"
bubo_fml 11
Hands on demonstration?
whitedw 0
excuse can u ask him to repeat technique number 2
perdix 31
I'd bet you'd be impressed if he described his techniques fluently in a foreign language.
cash_monkey72 9
What? It's still excersising.