Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML
Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML
Today, I went to the Doctors and the nurse asked if I was married, in which I responded "yes". Then she asked if I was sexually active... "no". FML
Today, I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup. After getting my blood-pressure taken, my finger pricked, etc, the doctor began to ask me some questions. When asked if I was sexually active, I responded "Yes". The doctor started laughing. FML
Today, I had to feed an elderly man in the care home in which I work while he was whacking off. Our work policy states that I have to pretend not to notice. FML
Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML
Today, I volunteered at a nursing home. I approached a lonely, old man who had a type of nervous tick. I went over to speak to him, and not even four sentences into our conversation he says, "I'd really like to make love to you." What I thought was a tick was actually him stroking himself. FML
Today, I asked my husband, of only a year, why we don't have sex anymore. He said it's because he masturbates. When I asked how often he did it, he replied "Every day that we don't have sex..." FML
Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML
Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML
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Top comments
RouletteRed 6
He's builing up those arms! =D
iAmScrubs 19
Wait for him to demonstrate the interpretive dance masturbation.
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Comments (89)
j_cat187 20
Well it is good cardio and his right arm must be huge
rpamintuan92 0
You're not suppose to write anything about your work on the internet as a nurse right ?
hyden121 2
You asked...
aprilxoxo 3
omg u poor thing!
justanotherhuman 21
Dear OP, Never good when you hear the Boston Legal theme song go off in the background. FYL x-D
iamfabio1990 12
I hear about masturbation techniques on this website probably once every day... sounds like I really am just not putting enough effort in. I hope you weren't forced into the conversation for too long.
pyrogirl6622 0
See old people don't care any more. They love to say the first gross thing that comes to their mind.
Claymore714 0
Hahahaha that's nasty
perminator94 5
Ew that must have been pretty disturbing :p
Mojo66930 0
Hey at least he wuz honest?