Today, while on my graveyard shift at an inner-city backpackers lodge, a drunk pissed in a dorm at 4am. I had to clean up after him, wash all the luggage that got dowsed, clean up 2 separate piles of puke, and help 3 drunken Brits back to their room while they abused me. I have a science degree. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
Today, at my hotel job, I had to help a drunk naked guy back into his room. Earlier today, a fat old guy wearing only briefs came down to the lobby drunk as hell. I used to like my job. FML
Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML
Today, in a 2-hour period at work, I had to talk to the cops, clean up shit and clean up vomit, yet none of these events were related. The worst part is, I work as a lifeguard and none of this is in the job description. FML
Today, while at work, I saw a kid empty his bladder all over the floor. His mother walked over, looked at me, said, "Yep… that just happened," and dragged him away. I'm a 30-year-old man, four credits shy of a Master's, stuck cleaning up piss at a dead-end job. FML
Today, I woke up at a guy's house drunk and soaked in my own pee. I had passed out with all my clothes on. Since I was late for work and didn't have a change of clothes, all I could do was throw my jeans in the dryer. I had to sit all day at work in crusty pee pants. FML
Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML
Today, I started working my crappy, minimum-wage retail job at a local electronics store. An hour into my shift, my boss sent me to scrub out a discount bin, after some drunk cunt in his teens staggered into the place yelling, and puked his guts into it. What a life. FML
Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML
Today, after my work's Christmas party, everyone got so drunk that I had to help one of my only sober co-workers take everyone home and clean up vomit. FML
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Top comments
jasonsaied 1
where the hell do you guys see unconscious poms?
repyourcliche 0
oh god, i read "unconscious poms" as "unicorn ****"...
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Comments (118)
sportsnut 0
if you can't say something like "a chemistry" degree, then you went to school and got the much easier and significantly less desirable sociology, psychology, ecology, or similar degree. YDI for taking the easy way out while trying to claim to be smart
Ajjas013 6
That's why you kill 'em first. Nothing like the feeling of ******* a lifeless animal body :)
Ajjas013 6
In the meantime, please enjoy this pre-taped video of an odd man dry-humping an inflatable walrus!
grimspook76 0
So get a ******* science job!
erjaguam 0
go do some job hunting, op.
Shokz992 0
We Grammar Nazis only really care about people getting your and you're wrong... And maybe there, their and they're... And possibly then and than... But that's it, okay? D:
GiganTronic 0
Worse*, beat* and you forgot to capitalize bad and can't. Ha. Grammar powers, activate! *Flies away*
KiwiBlam 4
YDI for not realising that the only thing you can do with a science degree is become a high school teacher. Oh, and on the note of Kiwis & Aussies being discriminated against for our use of the English language, what is up the red squiggly "YOUSPELTTHISWORDWRONG!!!" line under "realising" as I am typing this?? Do I really have to spell it the horribly American way of "realizing"??
Shokz992 0
Capitalise* English Grammar Nazi, away! :D
corme_fml 0
The science degree has nothing to do with this. "I cleaned up some guys piss today at work. I'm wearing red shoes. FML."
fagotron 0
What he's trying to say is that he went to college and worked to get a degree, and instead of having a creditable job, he cleans up other people's puke at 4 in the morning, just because you're an idiot who likes to talk about your shoes, doesn't mean that what he said didn't make any sense