Today, while on my graveyard shift at an inner-city backpackers lodge, a drunk pissed in a dorm at 4am. I had to clean up after him, wash all the luggage that got dowsed, clean up 2 separate piles of puke, and help 3 drunken Brits back to their room while they abused me. I have a science degree. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
Today, at my hotel job, I had to help a drunk naked guy back into his room. Earlier today, a fat old guy wearing only briefs came down to the lobby drunk as hell. I used to like my job. FML
Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML
Today, in a 2-hour period at work, I had to talk to the cops, clean up shit and clean up vomit, yet none of these events were related. The worst part is, I work as a lifeguard and none of this is in the job description. FML
Today, while at work, I saw a kid empty his bladder all over the floor. His mother walked over, looked at me, said, "Yep… that just happened," and dragged him away. I'm a 30-year-old man, four credits shy of a Master's, stuck cleaning up piss at a dead-end job. FML
Today, I woke up at a guy's house drunk and soaked in my own pee. I had passed out with all my clothes on. Since I was late for work and didn't have a change of clothes, all I could do was throw my jeans in the dryer. I had to sit all day at work in crusty pee pants. FML
Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML
Today, I started working my crappy, minimum-wage retail job at a local electronics store. An hour into my shift, my boss sent me to scrub out a discount bin, after some drunk cunt in his teens staggered into the place yelling, and puked his guts into it. What a life. FML
Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML
Today, after my work's Christmas party, everyone got so drunk that I had to help one of my only sober co-workers take everyone home and clean up vomit. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
jasonsaied 1
where the hell do you guys see unconscious poms?
repyourcliche 0
oh god, i read "unconscious poms" as "unicorn ****"...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (118)
lookoutapiano 0
Haha well, the Gestapo is on its way...
coolsteve 0
wtf is a pom
aussie_girl_fml_fml 0
a person from the UK
bellem1122 0
man it sucks !!!
Ajjas013 6
Humpty Dumpty? Is that you?
aussie_girl_fml_fml 0
you washed other guests luggage? thats kinda wierd..
UrNotFunny 0
you deserve it for having a degree.
Ajjas013 6
Walrus also make good sexual partners.
Pearljammer001 0
19 if you don't know what **** is can I kindly suggest you get off the Internet, because you are way, way too young!
kdinsfrestar 0
It shows what way your mind goes, 19 was asking what pom means...
The_Disturbed 5
#29, #19 was asking what a poM is, as that's what's said in the FML. Look closely...poM, not ****.
Sirin_fml 47
I edited it for clarity. "Pom" is a slang term for non-Australian speakers of English.
aussie_girl_fml_fml 0
So you edited it because Australian/New Zealand people don't count on this site? There's American slang all over this site which I don't understand half the time but LOOK UP in a DICTIONARY......... just saying..
repyourcliche 0
sirin, we are no longer friends. thanks to your editing, my comment no longer makes sense. i am very disappointed. :( = me.
Sirin_fml 47
@Aussie_girl: I hope that was sarcasm, otherwise I'd have to say you don't count on this site. Not as anything more than a sentient ass, anyway. I commend you on your efforts to learn American slang, however. @Repyourcliche: 8===-.- ^ ^ ^ ^ Me and you, respectively. NAH, JUST KIDDING, I love you really, and not just for your booze. Yeah... not for that delicious and stupefyingly good booze...
repyourcliche 0
i'm sorry but i am going to have to blow you apart with the other OP's truck (which is now a tank): ◥⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙◤ █████████████████ ▄▅██████▅▄▃▂ ●█〓██▄▄▄▄▄▄ I AM COMING, BE SCARED.
Sirin_fml 47
*raises a hand* Your tank is now upside-down and completely helpless to resist my advances. Truly, my Force powers are beyond compare.
repyourcliche 0
ahhh... you have underestimated my powers, oh great one! first of all, i am going to make you lose the game. :D secondly, if you do not revert the tank i will kill the bunny partially by alcohol poisoning (*cough* your alcohol... obviously not mine *cough*) ----(( ----( -.-) C--|=======> o__(")(") then fully with my crossbow ........ ......../ )===)=O> ......../ ......../ do you want that on your conscience? really, sirin, DO YOU?
Sirin_fml 47
Oh, you know what? That sounds like such fun. Give me the crossbow and I will take care of the bunny. Never let it be said that FML staffers are fully sane. I also decapitated the bunny for you too; no no, don't thank me. I'm just doing my job.
repyourcliche 0
How could you? That poor little defenseless bunny :( What had it ever done to you? Exactly, nothing! It's almost like-- Wait a minute, Ted Bundy, is that you?
GiganTronic 0
A wild abra appears!
Wooddaver 0
oh, OP is an ozzy. no wonder it didn't make any sense when I read it... umm, FYL and find a better job?
another_girl 0
Uh, that's not how you spell Aussie...
aussie_girl_fml_fml 0
i wonder how many non aussie/kiwi people are wondering what the bloody hell a pom is.... haha
another_girl 0
I never realised that 'pom' was only Aussie/NZ slang actually. Also, I just noticed our names go together :-p