Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML
Today, I had to meet with my landlord to organise when he was coming to look at my flat and decide whether I get my deposit back. In the time it took to see him, my friend drank a bottle of vodka and vomited all over my room and knocked the window through. My landlord is coming in the morning. FML
Today, my new roommate puked into the sink and all over the bathroom floor, before passing out on her bed. Apparently, she was awake enough to wash her own face but not clean up her vomit. We share the bathroom. This is the second time already. FML
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
Today, I woke up to a strange wetness covering my body. My drunk roommate's urine. FML
Today, while celebrating at my friend's birthday party, I fell down a flight of stairs, got into a fight with my flatmate, and ruined my friend's outfit after drinking too much. I'm expecting I'll need to find a new place to live tomorrow. FML
Today, I decided to be the sober housemate for the first time in a while. I drove my drunk friends to the bar and back, even buying them pizza before they passed out in the living room. I got repaid by catching my wasted housemate in my room, peeing all over my floor, bed, and nightstand. FML
Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
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Top comments
WitEluded 13
Grab some cleaning supplies and a roll of duct tape. Tape the cleaning supplies to her hands so when she wakes up, she will be ready to clean up her mess.
iTzSelverZz 14
Look at the bright side, you are not the one who is sleeping on puke.
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Comments (43)
iTzSelverZz 14
Look at the bright side, you are not the one who is sleeping on puke.
fastnachter 15
OP shouldn't be cleaning it up, either.
emmabear1995 18
Sorry that happened OP. Try to get her to clean it up when she wakes up.
ohjoy15 33
Try?! Make sure, like hell, she does.
ligerzero459 24
Do or do not, there is no try.
senor_octubre 24
That sucks OP:/...either new room mates or make sure that they are responsible for the messes they make when shit like that happens
LittleBastard 20
More like a puddle of love.
WitEluded 13
Grab some cleaning supplies and a roll of duct tape. Tape the cleaning supplies to her hands so when she wakes up, she will be ready to clean up her mess.
Ray_of_midnight 23
Edward Cleaninghands!
jk_waks23 19
Hmmm. If she is a good flat mate hopefully she will clean it up by herself after she wakes up! Just your bad luck! FYL!
Grauncho 27
My cat likes to hawk up hairballs on the floor right after I sweep and mop it. I feel your pain.
gobiteme2 34
Really dude you need to learn to take care of your fuzzy little friend, brushing does a world of good for hairballs. Besides it’s a natural way for a cat to take care of itself. Flat mate is supposed to have the capacity to think of what her actions could be. I would have grabbed her by a leg a used her for a mop.
Grauncho 27
Chill. I was lying.
mif_fml 27
I hope you checked to make sure she wasn't drowning in it.
toriamorales 5
Glad someone finally said it, I was gonna comment it if no one did.
abNormal62 23
Sorry for the setback in the housecleaning. Looking forward however to hearing her FML explanation of how she ended up this way
guesswhatlifesux 14
At least they didn't puke on a messy floor covered in stuff.