Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, as I was getting ready for work, I heard a noise almost like someone was puking all over the bathroom floor. When I went to check, my 14-year-old son was puking all over the bathroom floor. The toilet, however, was pristine. FML
Today, I warned my husband not to eat the seafood he'd left on the counter. He insisted it was fine. He’s now been in the bathroom shitting, puking and wailing for three hours. Our place is tiny and the bathroom is attached to our bedroom. The door doesn’t keep out the noise or the rancid smell. FML
Today, my kid has severe diarrhoea. My husband said he was going out to get medicine. Two long, painful hours later, I find he's out eating and chilling with his friends. FML
Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML
Today, I came home to find my husband and our 4-year-old son simultaneously peeing off the second-floor balcony. My husband was giggling like a little girl. FML
Today, my 3 year-old woke up with diarrhea. The stench caused him to throw up. My husband started sympathy puking all over the floor. I'm so exhausted already that I'm considering just burning the damn house down to avoid cleaning it all up. FML
Today, I have been stuck in the bathroom. Apparently, my 8 year old son decided to sneak in some TurboLax into the juice we left out for Santa. Well played son. FML
Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML
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Top comments
NoWayLady 13
Paranormal activity 6?
pinkalicious224 7
Call someone to come pick him up. Then you and your husband can get well and clean up the messes he made.
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Comments (122)
mccrightp 29
You don't know anyone who can watch the kid while incapacitated?
MISSJMAGIC 6
hope the damage isn't too bad
fairieluv04 17
My wife and I are in the same boat. Except there are 4 kids, ages 2, 5, 6, and 7. We can't look at food or even drag our butts out of the bed except to run to the toilet. I am sure they won't starve.
Enslaved 38
You could have left the door open and called to him to (ex:) colour in the next room. This way he's within eye distance but far from smell distance. :P
sougstad 7
Sounds like the kid needs a stone cold stunner
olpally 33
He sounds like he's jacked up on Mountain Dew... Haha, that's not good op...
ItTookALongTime 0
I feel bad for OP. not for the damage the chip is doing in pretty sure he's just jumping on the bed and knocking stud over that can be picked up. I feel bad because you am your husband are going to have to clean up that bathroom once the food poisoning pass. I hope neither one of you two missed the toilet.
foshizzle82 7
ItTookALongTime to make sense of your comment.
droln4maltesers 8
The only thing you should be afraid of is silence. As a teacher, I find it unsettling when my students are quiet... It either means they're plotting or they're up to no good
wanderingshopper 13
You have a phone, call someone.
nanny1010 12
What if they don't have a phone?
outoftown 27
#58, Facebook, email, etc.
nanny1010 12
I'm just saying, even thought it is 2012, not everyone has a phone or Internet access. It's probably pretty safe to assume OP does, but you never know...
bRower 3
Seeing as they posted on FML, I'd say its safe to assume, for once.
FameNFortune 12
Let him have his freedom !!!!