Today, I have been stuck in the bathroom. Apparently, my 8 year old son decided to sneak in some TurboLax into the juice we left out for Santa. Well played son. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML
Today, I caught my 4 year old son yet again trying to drink out of the toilet. FML
Today, my 6-year-old son apparently decided to make a game out of clogging the toilet with toilet paper. He won, and now the whole basement is flooded. FML
Today, my son decided to run around a supermarket in his underwear, leaving me to chase after him. FML
Today, I found out why my bathroom has been smelling so bad. My 10-year-old son has been peeing on the radiator, thinking it's fun to watch it steam and sizzle. FML
Today, my son was playing with a piece of plastic wrapping and trying not to let it fall to the floor as if it were a balloon. This is after he got some kick ass gifts for Christmas. Kids. FML
Today, my 3-year-old broke his glasses, clogged the toilet with Hot Wheel cars, and covered the whole house with Cheerios. All in a matter of roughly six minutes while I was putting laundry away. FML
Today, I walked into the Macy's bathroom to find Santa taking a dump with the door open. Merry Christmas. FML
Today, I went into my fridge and someone had drank all the beer. Only my 8-year-old son lives with me. FML
Today, I was under the impression that my kids would eventually grow out of wanting to watch me use the bathroom. Instead, my 7 year-old son attempted to pick the lock so he could watch me take a shit and make fun of me for it. FML
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Top comments
noidea_fml 3
hahaha your son is awesome
LMFAO_fail 0
...You didn't HAVE to drink it. Pretty sure he wouldn't be able to tell the difference between down the drain and down your throat. I would never drink juice or especially milk that had been left out for a while. LOL
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Comments (130)
noidea_fml 3
hahaha your son is awesome
BenignScientists 0
I concur
SZeth_fml 0
That's what you get for stealing juice from santa!
I_Deserved_It 10
#53 *Whoosh!*
rancidgrl13 0
yup, right over "#53's" head. right. on. over.
crazytoaster 2
Haha, your son is ******* awesome. Maybe you could turn the tables on him, no Christmas presents next year for being naughty!
bostonfan 0
@53 a joke, dumbass
grimeysly 0
i was thinking the same thing. shame on her for drinking santa's juice
spartanMKIV 9
Ya, I'm sorry, i have to agree. that's a win for your son
hellokittywhore 0
YDI for giving Santa juice!! everyone knows her likes milk or eggnog!! duhh :D
KeDa_cookies 6
Santas not real?!?!?!?!?
LMFAO_fail 0
...You didn't HAVE to drink it. Pretty sure he wouldn't be able to tell the difference between down the drain and down your throat. I would never drink juice or especially milk that had been left out for a while. LOL
lendmeyourteeth 0
he didn't say it was left out for a while.. k u didn't HAVE to type the comment it's not his fault he didn't waste it
LMFAO_fail 0
...Okay. Lol. Let's say the kid went to sleep at 9 pm. Let's then give it about two hours for the kid to be sound asleep, with less of a chance of waking up and hearing "Santa." So the juice has been sitting there for about two hours. Probably warm, and possibly spoiled if it had been milk instead of juice. So no, if/when I have kids, I won't be drinking the liquids left out for "Santa." Little kids get up to check, or at least I did, so the dad couldn't drink it right away. Also, parenting fail on the OP's part - you said "the juice WE left out for Santa." How did you not notice your kid putting something extra in the juice? Also, where do you keep your medicine that an 8 year old child has access to it? Shrug. I chose YDI.
expen_dable 0
lendmeyourteeth, I would be careful about listening to pendatic, he's a creepy old man who tries to chat with the younger boys on FML when he's not correcting grammar
White667 0
My problem with this whole exchange is that the WHOLE thing is based on assumptions. You're forgetting, this was a >DAD< who drunk it. A tired DAD who just spent a load of money on a ton of shit which will be broken in a week. So it's like come on, his not thinking. His not gunna waste time, effort and juice by going to a drain; his gunna just drink that shit. Grow up people. None of you obviously have children,
bostonfan 0
can't tell if you're sarcastic but 84 is pretty damn old man and take a chill on correcting people you grammar nazi
discoguru 0
Really ? How difficult is it to spot sarcasm ?
mirage_bks 0
Are you really 84? Oh, and are you really that anal? Is it even necessary to correct everyone like that? Or does it just bother you somewhere deep inside that some people would rather get their points across than constantly run a spell-check just to insure your peace of mind?
Bluewings 0
^ Coolest 83-year-old ever.
those_bastards 0
Seconded.
ashcrofl 0
Strictly speaking, the word "can't" shouldn't have a capital letter. It should be preceded by the word "I".
LifeFucksUsAll 0
What the hell. What kind of milk do you have that spoils in two hours? Sure, it'll be warm, but it's not like it's ******* chunky or anything.
V4ZQU3Z 0
why do all these assholes waste there time on each FML to ******* give an explaintion that the FML is fake and make it seem like it was a lie and improbable to happen
XxMidnightReader 0
yeah me neither... XP
randomdude1234 0
Serves you right!
acai_blueberry 0
lol, smart way to figure out who santa really is. i found out by putting a dummy in my bed, and then hiding under the tree
Brooklynxman 0
I was literally thinking of this last night, and tada, its on fml.
No_Heart 0
I never did anything like that. As a kid i used to beleive in things like santa, god, the tooth fairy and the easter bunny but as i got older i just relised how silly they all were, can't even remember when it was when i first stoped believing.
valdancer99 0
You think God is as fake as Santa?
lectricpharaoh 9
All the evidence we possess, when examined rationally, leads one to conclude that God IS as fake as Santa. Before you use the existence of life/the universe/etc as 'evidence' for God because "everything that exists needs a creator", I'd ask you to consider who or what made God. To say something like "God is timeless" or other such crap is a logical fallacy known as 'special pleading', where your arguments are exempt from the standards then other side's arguments are held to. Besides, if something can be timeless, then the universe could be as well, or at least the conditions which allow it to exist. Also, don't bring up the fact I can't conclusively disprove God. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence, and it's up to the claimant to prove them, not the other person to disprove them. Otherwise, you'd need to disprove Russell's Teapot and the Invisible Pink Unicorn. After saying all that, even if you could prove some power did create the universe, it would not show that the power in question was the Judeo-Christian deity. Every argument for gods that I have heard, particularly the Judeo-Christian one, fall so far of the mark that I can't help but wonder if people who believe this stuff are intellectually deficient in some way. Back to the FML: you deserve it for lying to your kid. Now he knows he can't take what you say at face value, and that is a good life lesson for any child.
milk_cookies83 5
Wait what? The Invisible Pink Unicorn isn't real? My life is a lie!
DragonPorn 15
#138 Some jesus freaks voted you down. I voted up... Also, think of this to all the MAJOR dumbasses who legitimately think the earth is 2014 years old: Mary was from b.c, if b.c doesn't exist, then Mary the virgin didn't exist. No Mary, no Jesus. Christians contradict themselves. Also, when they say, "Well, what if you are wrong? You'll go to hell then." When they say that, they just summed up religion, which is one word. Fear. They instill fear into you to force you to believe and be deluded into a lie so you stay loyal to Christianity. God: Omnipresent omnipotent omniscient benevolent holy spaceless timeless being. If humans are so complex that natural selection cannot make us, then God must be created as well, since he is an ultimate being. This loops forever, making a paradox. Spaceless, timeless, and omnipresence is a paradox. You cannot be nowhere in space and time while everywhere in it.
South_Park_Shay 0
Be happy, you have a smart son :)
xxroseyxx 0
are you kidding?? he's genious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha that's brilliant, I wish I woulda thought a that one when I was lil!!
jessthebest3 0
actually, OP's pretty dumb, to leave lax out for their little son?
relyo 0
Ha! Next time remember not to steal from Santa.
madeleine83_fml 0
i agree with #7, no thievery, what would santa think of you?! however, FYL for having a son who's a mastermind
endless_text 0
What's with all the MLIA cliches making their way over to FML?
expen_dable 0
crapping all day might be average for you...
dukain94 0
Your son is made of win.
South_Park_Shay 0
#8: Crapping repeatedly into the toilet on christmas, wouldn't be exactly "Average life" Material. It's more like F*** my life, I spent the whole christmas day on the toilet painfully crapping because of my 8-year-old son, who outsmarted me.
mm121592 0
your son is ******* awesome!!!! go son!