Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went shooting with my dad and he brought his grandfather's rifle with him. I’ve never shot it before and he told me to be careful with it. The bullet exploded, ruptured the barrel, cut my face, and made me deaf in one ear. Dad still blamed me for “not shooting it properly.” FML
Today, I saw a gun on my dad's bedside table. I knew it wasn't real, so I picked it up and posed like a badass. Then I shot a hole in their bedroom TV, blew out my eardrums, and my mom flew in and started screaming at me. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML
Today, I thought it'd be funny to sneak up behind my dad and yell "BOO!" to scare him. He didn't even flinch. All he did was calmly look over his shoulder and sigh, "Oh for fuck's sake. And you wonder why I don't love you." FML
Today, I got in trouble for shooting my paintball gun at a piece of wood, so my dad told me to go wash it. While I was washing it, he shot me several times in the back, yelling, "That's payback for being born." FML
Today, my boyfriend crossed a line with his bullshit "jokes". At dinner, he once again annoyed my dad by insisting that the "AR" in "AR-15" means "assault rifle". My dad is an NRA gun nut, so he finally blew up and told him that he was going to "AR his nuts if he didn't quit fucking with him." FML
Today, I heard something that sounded like a series of gunshots outside my house. My Dad screamed, "Get down!" at the top of his lungs. The whole family immediately dropped to the floor, my sister whimpering and trembling, only moments later to hear my Dad cackling uncontrollably over us. They were just fireworks. FML
Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character said "Fuck you, dad." My dad then slapped me over the head to get my attention and said, "Never talk to your father like that." Okay, dad. FML
Today, while meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad made a big show of cleaning his rifle, before loading it, taking aim, and blowing the hell out of a hornet's nest at the back of the yard. I fear for my life. FML
Today, I told my dad I started taking jiu-jitsu lessons. He responded by laughing and saying, "Martial arts are for pussies, you should just get a gun." FML
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Top comments
Nico_di_AngeloX 13
What the ****? Did your dad never learn proper gun safety? FYL OP.
nix1993 41
Your Dad's a ****
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Comments (192)
bapbap_fml 15
'MURICA! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew!
dc2fresh 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You didnt really deserve this but at thw same a little practical joke doesn't mean your life sucks
soulreaper12296 28
When your own father shoots a gun at you (whether the bullets be blanks or live) as a joke, your life sucks. Depending on how close OP's father was, he still could've seriously been hurt had one of the bullets actually hit him.
Lalala579121 28
80 - Blanks don't have bullets. The bullet is only a small part at the end of the shell casing. That being said as many people have already said blanks can still kill.
amileah13 26
Yeah it's funny until one of them is a real bullet and kills someone.
limitedition 25
Make your Dad some Exlax brownies an feed them to him right before he heads to work. One hilarious joke deserves another.
jdm_camaro 5
you do know that it is extremely illegal for putting something in somebody's food/drink without them knowing
DoomedGemini 38
Normally I don't agree for that reason, it can mess up someone's health, but in this case.. I'd say go for it. The father obviously isn't worrying about op's health considering the amount of things that can go wrong in pointing a gun, loaded with bullets or not, at someone.
limitedition 25
142: it was a tongue in cheek response. I don't actually think it's hilarious to shoot at your kid, either.
limitedition 25
#149: I know that attempting to hurt someone in anyway is illegal - putting something in their food or shooting at them. My comment was a tongue in cheek take on a obviously scary situation for OP. Saying his Dad is an a-hope isn't quite sufficient in my opinion. I don't actually think it was hilarious that OPs Dad shot a firearm at him either just to be very clear.
Badkarma4u 17
I think its a good idea that you clarified. A lot of people think giving someone a laxative or syrup of ipecac is hilarous. There are a lot of fake youtube pranks where they pretend to do that, but that can get you in a little bit of trouble, unless they end up in the hospital. Then you are in a lot of trouble and will probably see the inside of a cell.
chunkymonkey00 12
That's so dangerous
zenmenten 15
Blanks have been known to kill people before as well
jack67_fml 14
Lool
nekminnet 13
Your father is a psycho fucktard
samthompson 12
"I brought you into this world, I can take you out too!"
bapbap_fml 15
My mom used to always say that. But it was while brandishing a wooden spoon, not a gun.
Hop6e 22
.....I'm so sorry