Today, I told my dad I started taking jiu-jitsu lessons. He responded by laughing and saying, "Martial arts are for pussies, you should just get a gun." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I talked to my dad about joining the military. He got up, laughed, and said, "As if the army would accept a pussy like you." FML
Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
Today, I found out that my mom withdrew me from karate at the insistence of my my fucking stepdad, who's a wimpy sissy pacifist who is against violence. I was so close to getting my black belt. FML
Today, I decided to challenge the jerk jock at work to a fight, since he kept poking fun at me for being a weakling. Having started taking MMA classes, I was confident I'd make him eat his words. Just my luck, he's an MMA instructor and kicked my ass effortlessly. Not what I had planned. FML
Today, I told my dad I was going to the gym. He stood up and clapped. FML
Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML
Today, my 14 year-old son asked to join my buddies and me at the gun range. The second I finished the safety lecture and handed him a pistol, he started twirling it on his finger (thankfully, it was unloaded). I smacked him in the head and took him home. Now he's moping and sulking like a bitch. FML
Today, I asked my mom if I could join my friends in getting lessons in self defense. My mom told me that I didn't need them because my face was a better weapon to repel anyone. FML
Today, my mom told me to do karate with her, and so I said no. Now my mom won't let me do anything until I go do karate with her. FML
Today, my dad is forcing me to go shopping with him tomorrow for Black Friday, because he's convinced that my martial arts classes will come in handy when people "inevitably" try to beat the shit out of us in the rush for cheap stuff. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
He does have a point. There’s no way a jury is going to believe you “accidentally” did a jiu-jitsu move that killed him. Jus’ sayin’.
manb91uk 22
Your dad’s an idiot
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Comments (26)
NostalgiaFreak9 43
There's nothing wrong with owning both a gun and practicing martial arts, because martial arts exercises your body and mind.
RichardPencil 32
He does have a point. There’s no way a jury is going to believe you “accidentally” did a jiu-jitsu move that killed him. Jus’ sayin’.
manb91uk 22
Your dad’s an idiot
Jesserb 17
Agreed
DraftHail614 17
You're*
DraftHail614 17
Shit goddammit I corrected the wrong comment. ignore that lol
Allie614032 34
Train until you can kick that gun right out of his hand.
Ali Alexandrea 16
that doesn't even make sense, getting all up in someone's face is more of a pussy move than shooting someone from a distance? what a moron
Yudith 28
A gun won't help you to get this hot body that men and lesbians crave AND allow you to kick them where it hurts if they get annoying. You go girl!
d3rpb0t 10
And that's when a 120 lb teenager dropped a former Marine twice his size. ... it's just me that remembers that? k, I'll see myself out.
Mungolikecandy 19
And that was Karate which is a less effective defensive martial art than Jiu-Jitsu.
DanielleinDC 34
I'm tempted to suggest you demonstrate your jiu-jitsu moves on your dad, but that probably would be a bad idea.
boopingsnoot 25
Introduce him to Elliot Spencer from the show "Leverage" (not in a threatening way)
Lobby_Bee 18
Does your dad know the difference between those two? Gun is for longer range defense and jujitsu is for close range. Having skills in both makes you the ultimate badass. Do IT!
Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 20
Well you could also... ynkow... shoot someone up close... But still, you do have a point.
Maddie Bunker 1
Yeah but if you are already physically engaged with someone, pulling out a gun is not the wisest idea, you might shoot yourself or they might take it from you.