Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went shooting with my dad and he brought his grandfather's rifle with him. I’ve never shot it before and he told me to be careful with it. The bullet exploded, ruptured the barrel, cut my face, and made me deaf in one ear. Dad still blamed me for “not shooting it properly.” FML
Today, I saw a gun on my dad's bedside table. I knew it wasn't real, so I picked it up and posed like a badass. Then I shot a hole in their bedroom TV, blew out my eardrums, and my mom flew in and started screaming at me. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML
Today, I thought it'd be funny to sneak up behind my dad and yell "BOO!" to scare him. He didn't even flinch. All he did was calmly look over his shoulder and sigh, "Oh for fuck's sake. And you wonder why I don't love you." FML
Today, I got in trouble for shooting my paintball gun at a piece of wood, so my dad told me to go wash it. While I was washing it, he shot me several times in the back, yelling, "That's payback for being born." FML
Today, my boyfriend crossed a line with his bullshit "jokes". At dinner, he once again annoyed my dad by insisting that the "AR" in "AR-15" means "assault rifle". My dad is an NRA gun nut, so he finally blew up and told him that he was going to "AR his nuts if he didn't quit fucking with him." FML
Today, I heard something that sounded like a series of gunshots outside my house. My Dad screamed, "Get down!" at the top of his lungs. The whole family immediately dropped to the floor, my sister whimpering and trembling, only moments later to hear my Dad cackling uncontrollably over us. They were just fireworks. FML
Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character said "Fuck you, dad." My dad then slapped me over the head to get my attention and said, "Never talk to your father like that." Okay, dad. FML
Today, while meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad made a big show of cleaning his rifle, before loading it, taking aim, and blowing the hell out of a hornet's nest at the back of the yard. I fear for my life. FML
Today, I told my dad I started taking jiu-jitsu lessons. He responded by laughing and saying, "Martial arts are for pussies, you should just get a gun." FML
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Top comments
Nico_di_AngeloX 13
What the ****? Did your dad never learn proper gun safety? FYL OP.
nix1993 41
Your Dad's a ****
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Comments (192)
worldclassrager 41
That's beyond not right...
sailorarctic 22
blanks can still be lethal. Does the name Brandon Lee sound familiar to your father?
TheLostCauseFML 40
How old is he? And is he single? lol Just kidding. Still dangerous though... Glad you're alive.
tiger820 20
was your mom in the window recording this? I want to see the footage! ? but yeah thats ****** up.
GrumpyGrinch 23
One comment here said: If he does it again then OP should get the cops involved. NO! Not IF he does again, but immediately, right now! In every country I have ever lived this is legally assault, this is child abuse (if OP is still underage). All those other versions of "sweet revenge" can only get the situation worse a) by dad thinking that this is a funny game you both enjoy playing, b) he may start intentional domestic abuse, if this was just a try-out, c) OP may do something that lands him in jail instead of dad. No contemplating about dad's retirement home some time along the road, its jail right now! + the planet will be safer. Just move, OP! This is not something that should be kept within the family.
adam040802 6
wow WTF
newyearstandup 13
Didn't even have to look at the location to know this was America... You guys seriously gotta get some gun laws. Nothing about this is funny and your dad is an asshole and potential psycho. Sorry OP.
Bragi 12
@153 - We have plenty of gun laws and that was "assault with a deadly weapon" a class B felony. No law can prevent stupid, only punish it.
deadvacum 10
Honestly i would've called the police.
twistedtwincity 17
Brandon lee died because he shot himself in the head with a gun loaded with "blanks" not cool!
Ms_Monster 6
Brandon Lee died after being shot in the abdomen by another actor during the filming of a scene in The Crow. The gun in question was loaded with blank rounds, but there was an actual bullet stuck in the barrel from a previous scene. When the gun went off, it pretty much had the same force as a live round.
ADBurns 22
Annnnnd another reason that if only one gun law in the states existed it should be this - Stupid people are banned from owning, operating or indeed thinking about guns...
footballer96 11
I agree, because it's the stupid gun owners that make the responsible ones look bad and cause the anti-gun extremists to be so ignorant