Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, but my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say, so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse." He laughed and I died a little inside. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
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Top comments
Xquisite1 28
Just tell him that "your" dick loves ******* "his" pussy. Problem solved.
Dodge4x4Ram 46
a brain fart over a real fart any day
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Comments (77)
sunnyray812 42
I've had a moment like that during phone sex once. I told him I was so hard....Shit just comes right out of our mouths sometimes. :/
Dillyduzit 23
My boyfriend has done the same thing, telling me to rub my **** for him during phone sex. I think it's more common than people realize lol
Earthdforce 17
44, I think there's something your boyfriend isn't telling you
jazzy_123 20
this post cracked me up cuz it's happened to both my bf and me haha
sunnyskys 25
did you make sure to show him that you were actually a woman I don't mean that in a bad way because knowing me I'd put an end to a thought like that as soon as I could with out it being uncomfortable
MzZombicidal 36
#50, pointing out your gender when it was a simple slip of the tongue won't make things comfortable... lol. Just ignore it and keep going! :P If you can't laugh while having sex (over a simple joke or something similar) without it getting super awkward than maybe there's some odd tension there anyways :P
hkhan24 23
Does it really surprise you? His other brain was in control at the time.
R3TROxLOV3 32
I don't get how people are able to talk during sex. I've only been able to successfully form coherent phrases once, and that was during terrible sex. Maybe I'm just weird.
gracehi 33
My fiance NEVER speaks during sex either, which kinda sucks because one of the main things that first attracted me to him was his sexy voice.
sunnyskys 25
pfff yeah me and my girlfriend don't really talk while doing that stuff I'd don't know I just feel.... a little uncomfortable mainly I tounge tie myself
FMLusername969 21
Hahaha!! OMFG! Too funny!
SoullessSolace 12
This is going to be an inside joke for the two of you for a long time! What was his reaction after he said it?
ArtemisRwill 22
I laughed so hard at this. Something similar happened to me once, and my bf had to stop because he couldn't stop giggling.
gracehi 33
I think sex should be fun. If you can't laugh during sex and foreplay, you're not with the right person.
barneyisawesome_fml 9
Because there's nothing sexier than sexual confusion
Brittin8or 12
I don't think it's a big deal, don't even worry about it OP, he was just in the moment
abbylouise_x3 7
and this was the day you found out that deep down he wants to be a female.
bobbywilcher 13
Only good love making can cause a man to be in the moment and lose his train of sense that fast lol you should be proud OP your doing it right keep it up