Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, but my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say, so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse." He laughed and I died a little inside. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
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Top comments
Xquisite1 28
Just tell him that "your" dick loves ******* "his" pussy. Problem solved.
Dodge4x4Ram 46
a brain fart over a real fart any day
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Comments (77)
joeblow6969 5
bet there was a good 30 second awkward silence after that
davincidasecond 24
I say dumb shit when I'm having good sex. That's why I just say one word at a time or grunt.
MisterWhite_fml 9
that's f*#$ing hilarious
beezy906 11
My boyfriend has done the samething to me. we just laugh and let it go.
revidffum69 22
He was trying to coax you to talk dirty to him. Maybe that's his "trigger" phrase.
psychiccloud 7
Oh god how unlucky
sandman19 11
Let's be honest.. We have all been there ?? me and my girl just laugh
KingOfTheLosers 7
holy shit! the most hilarious thing I have heard in months!!))
yellowzinnias 20
That's when you laugh, say, "Oh yeah?" and rub his butthole. You either have a fun new activity or a funny story to remind him of on every anniversary. People take sex way too seriously, lol.
spike7447 13
Ya know... He could be bisexual and fantasizing about some dude ******* his man pussy... Think about it