Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I sent my resumé to a former coworker to get some pointers, except that I sent it to his old work email account and now my boss knows I’m looking for a new job. FML
Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML
Today, I accidentally put down the wrong year for my university graduation, so when my prospective boss was checking my references he found no mention of my name in that year's list of graduates. He accused me of faking my qualifications and refused to hire me. It was a 6-figure salary. FML
Today, I applied for my first job. I didn't know how to write a resume, so I copied and pasted one from someone else and reworked it. I got on the bus, handed it in, and left. Then I remembered I forgot to change the contact info and date. FML
Today, I finished doing a resume that I had spent three hours on. I e-mailed it to the business I was applying for, satisfied. I decided to look it over. The first thing I notice, I spelt my own name wrong. FML
Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML
Today, I was emailing a government employee at the place I'm hoping to get hired by. I realized too late I had been emailing her with my personal email address, which is rather jokey and unprofessional. She noticed and started referring to me as that. FML
Today, I emailed my fiancé the assignment that I was handed for a journalism job interview, asking for him to take a look and give opinions about it. I accidentally e-mailed it to the job interviewer. She responded, and even CCed it to the CEO. FML
Today, I realized I had misspelled "Education" on all the resumes I've been submitting. FML
Today, I realized I sent over 2 dozen job applications with my dating profile word doc instead of my resume. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
canadapresch 0
Your American boss probably won't know there is a Prime Minister of Canada.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Did ya get the job?(:
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (319)
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Did ya get the job?(:
rallets 23
quite the impressive resume arent both jobs just the same thing basically? :P
LadiiFresH 0
47=an awesome win!! lol
marie_yuh100 3
48- we gave my dance team director teacher a flower just like the one in your picture! it was gorgeous(:
Lustuu_fml 14
LMFAO
fl0ffy 0
huh did u get the job haha lol
plurpower 0
hahahahahaahahahaha!!! :D
tjv3 10
wow! way not to pay attention.
MissBunny25 0
hmm.. thats weird , because I'm a certified gangster as well :D
jess6blondie9 3
Me too gurl. Were from the same gang :D
MissBunny25 0
146 YES :D what should the name of our gang be?
persianjr1 7
it should be The Ke$has. lol jk.
tulsafml 0
The tooprettytobecalledtheke$has
MissBunny25 0
blah :( I do not like that name... MissBunny does not look like Ke$ha :( (yes, I just spoke in third person...)
tulsafml 0
I would hire OP
MissBunny25 0
I would just because I'm clearly a gangster as well. us gangsters must stick together :D
persianjr1 7
tru dat!!!! lol
animosiity 0
two white people talking black :-/
MissBunny25 0
193 is Persian -.- *sloshes macaroni on 193* get it right, fool!
MissBunny25 0
shit I sloshed macaroni on the wrong person D: whoops.. sorry Persian ! I meant to hit 196 with the macaroni
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
I want a macaroni shower! ;D
persianjr1 7
well Persian is arien and therefore white. just saying.
MissBunny25 0
200 only the manliest of men can handle them without crying.. so far only Chuck Norris has survived. -.- so no. Persian: well,.... oh. i seem to have made myself look rather stupid. *prepares to throw macaroni in face*
ImKindaABigDeal 6
Persian seemed to have survived alright but maybe you caught your mistake in time that the majority of the macaroni blast hit 139
MissBunny25 0
193 is chuck Norris in disguise. he'll be fine. :D
ImKindaABigDeal 6
so I definitely meant 196 but I couldn't correct myself cuz of anti flood protection. But yeah I always knew Chuck Norris was Persian!
persianjr1 7
thanks 206. made my day :D
MissBunny25 0
ah , that clears things up. yes, and if chuck Norris were a girl, he would be me in disguise. yeah. I said it. *cranks up Dora explorer soundtrack*
MissBunny25 0
youre welcome 209 :D
persianjr1 7
hey, random question: where you live, is it night or day. cause where I am it's night.
MissBunny25 0
it's night. well, actually morning. lol 2:12 am. wbu?
persianjr1 7
it's 11:10 lol. you up at 2 on a Wednesday night? I have classes in the morning. what state you in?
MissBunny25 0
hahaa so do I xD I never sleep though so whatever. Georgia. wbu?
persianjr1 7
haha. California. that's weird cause I. actually thought I had seen you somewhere. guess not cause ive never been to Georgia.
MissBunny25 0
haha oh well apparently I look like ke$ha so maybe that's it. -.-
persianjr1 7
haha. is it snowing there?
ImKindaABigDeal 6
I have also never been to Georgia. coincidence? I think not.
MissBunny25 0
no :) it's warm. like 75. its not snowing in Cali is it ? :0 ( we might have to wrap up this convo. I don't want to bother sirin with another 70-something long thread lol ) she's probably tired of seeing my face on every comment anyways :D
gustavov60 0
when keeping it real goes wrong lmao
persianjr1 7
na it's not snowing. your right. talk later. lol
MissBunny25 0
222 you're popcorn boy -.- how dare you show your face in my presence -.- *starts up the macaroni*.
MissBunny25 0
223 lol ok :)
gustavov60 0
well it's kind of hard to do that when your on every post I look at no offense
Gondile 4
Where do you keep all that damn macaroni?
obamanation85 1
I like macaroni
zendaddy0 0
wow op has some interesting past jobs
OwN3d3d 0
umm in canada its a prime minister not a president
Puddings 3
you can tell OP is from the states, we dont have a president we have a prime minister ;)
canadapresch 0
Your American boss probably won't know there is a Prime Minister of Canada.
rnath23 4
But I am sure he will be happy to finally meet a certified gangster! you are an idiot. it's a called a joke.
sarcasticbitch 7
we all lie in our CV…
dpjbbm 1
Lol I was thinking the EXACT same thing.
Epic_Phale615 0
All in favor that think 255 is a selfish, crotchity, lonely man who lives with his parents and has no friends say "I". "I"
zendaddy0 0
"I" dude take a joke
wendyyyy 0
225 - do you feel better now? that was a hella long post.
ljr1094 7
hahaha
t765234 10
So.... If I got this right, you're saying that it's okay to make jokes about other countries if defending your own? Also, if you don't then you're a sad person? That seems a bit contradictory.
limestone819 0
255 You do realize you're getting overly defensive, right... Honestly 2 wasn't even that harsh. And people can generally tell when it's a joke... I guess you can't.
AceArctic 4
255, just stop before you make yourself sound any more stupid. It was a joke, so get over yourself and stop going on and on "aboot" it. :3
decko44 7
i
kpizzle91 1
what the original comment was trying to say is that there is no "president of Canada" it's called a "prime minister"
samikitty961 8
Ayame 01, you are from tennessee. why are you getting all defensive about canadians?
PlayWithElmo 7
Isn't the purpose of this site to laugh at the stupidity of everyone everywhere? Yes? Okay.
heyyyaubrey 9
its aye -_____-
thrice324 0
Former president of Canada? Please tell me that was part of the joke..
mintcar 10
Yes it is.
mintcar 10
I think OP was joking about that.
fluorescentadole_fml 8
obviously
mmcb14 4
I was just thinking the same thing
shannonreneee 11
I really hope so otherwise I want to kick the OP in the shin.
alfredrog 0
Lmfaooo !! pray ur boss find it funny xD
holymolybro 0
Is it cold, bro?
MissBunny25 0
153 your picture made me lmao
writergirl69 0
Oh my God, one of the few FMLs that made me legitimately laugh out loud :).
vivienmleigh 0
I love this FML! Effing hilarious!
alfredrog 0
indeed of one the best FML ever xD
derpyderpton1408 0
While you're at it you should put down that you're King of Africa
Vindishu 2
And the Kenyan Olympic 100m dash gold medalist.
nbk1405 0
Africa's not a country it's a continent... hence no king. become educated!
Iissosmart 5
#123, you obviously idn't grasp the basic sarcasm in that comment. I'm ashamed that using sarcasm makes him uneducated.
BayBeezy 0
see....that's what's wrong with "educated" people......they never get the joke! duhr.
t765234 10
Actually, I am intelligent and 90% of anything I say is sarcastic in some way or another.
AceArctic 4
Wait... The OP is the Nigerian prince that keeps asking for my social security number? :O
bored_at_work15 0
123: Yes, it is true that Africa is a continent and not a country. However; Canada also has a Prime Minister, not a President. Maybe you should lighten up a bit and just take a joke
FUUUandyourmom 16
^ That was the joke, dipshit.
jb591 10
Thats the joke fuckwad
Edokun 0
YDI for being a dumb arse
a_marshall_13 7
ya you deserved that for thinking Canada has a President....
chickletno1 0
haha win
rnath23 4
you are a retard. it's a joke. just like there aren't any certified gangsters.
TheDrifter 24
Really? I'm pretty sure gangsterism is a criminal charge, thereby making anyone convicted of it a certified gangster.
likeyourelooking 6
I'm a certified gangster. I worked really hard for my designation and I'd appreciate it if you stopped degrading the efforts and triumphs I have delivered and endured during the process. so please, recognize that there are certified gangsters, like myself, or I will have no choice but to pop a cap in your bum.
vivienmleigh 0
I believe a certified gangster would be more bold as to say "pop a cap in your ass."
maa_rico 4
hahahaha
likeyourelooking 6
208- that's kind of root of the joke.
BayBeezy 0
hahahahahaha....u guys r too much!
likeyourelooking 6
263--*GASP!!!!!!* PUPPY!!!!!!!!! so cute!!!!!!!!
Puddings 3
hahahahahahahahah 179 , and stfu 208 you just killed the joke :(
jessmarie555 1
its called a joke... learn to take one.
dcaruso 1
honestly I laughed. it's an honest mistake but I voted YDI for 2 reasons. the first being that your immature enough to have thought that handing in such an assignment was funny. the second being that you perpetuate the stereotype that Americans are close minded - Canada doesn't have a president... shame on you for making others look bad. still made me lol
fromthesuck 8
i was thinking the same thing... this person picks up on something wrong with president of canada yet completely overlooks certified gangster. and i'm betting the homework had something to do with comedy, or in the very least (like most literature classes try to inspire) some creativity. so with all that combined it seems it was actually pretty clever. congrats you have just been systematically discredited. but as for you op... with something as important as a resume you might want to double check that you have the right piece of paper the represents you
rnath23 4
yeah. there are not any certified gangsters either. people need to lighten up. geez.
reasonable87 0
there are no certified gangsters and that could obviously be satire or a light-hearted assignment. dumbass
cathylee22 4
LOL! Now what does one have to do to become a certified ganster? Oh well, just explain to your boss in this economy you take what jobs you can :)
jayz85 0
bahaha
sadistmonkey 19
Now the OP eats humble pie. Wait a minute...