Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML
Today, my dad handed me my refilled birth control prescription. I thanked him, and he replied, "Well, God forbid you run out and reproduce." FML
Today, my dad told me that after my two older siblings were born, he got a vasectomy. However, something went wrong, and the vasectomy had failed, resulting in me. FML
Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML
Today, I had the misfortune of being left alone with my dad. He took it as an opportunity to tell me in detail all about his recent vasectomy, and the complications the surgeon had due to the scar tissue on my dad's testicles. FML
Today, I was shopping at Costco for a romantic evening with my girlfriend, I bought some flowers, dinner, and a super pack of condoms, At the register behind me, I heard somebody say, "Good thing my daughter has a responsible boyfriend." It was my girlfriend's father. FML
Today, I was at the beach with my parents, and I went for a swim in the sea. I got out and my parents started laughing their asses off. It wasn't until my dad pulled a condom out of my hair that I realized what they were laughing at. My dad even took a picture. FML
Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML
Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML
Today, I found out that the only reason I'm alive is because my dad beat the living shit out of my mom to stop her getting an abortion. FML
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Top comments
thrAsHeRr9081 16
Most of us are... :)
iiTzNeeNerz 26
Think of it this way: You were one fast and sneaky little swimmer.
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Comments (86)
BlissfulLiss 18
I'm not sure what circumstance is ever appropriate to tell your child something like that.
Uniqueview 2
So was Bart Simpson, and he turned out okay.
HurrDurr123 1
Welcome to the real world.
Yolandababy2 14
And I would of said to him. The reason why I don't punch you in the face right now for disrespecting me is because of the fact you are my father.
Therewhenneeded 16
Oh lordy. XD That sucks. But I hope it was said with humor. I once jokingly told my mom "I owe my existence to a faulty condom and a six-pack of bud Lite, right?". DEAD serious she goes, "No. It was Coors." Father concurred.
anabuddy123 10
My parents say I was a mistake too
crystalxa 35
Pretty sure most of us are mistakes!
Pseudonym 18
I mean, to be fair that's why many of us are alive. Faulty contraceptives.