Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML
Today, my dad handed me my refilled birth control prescription. I thanked him, and he replied, "Well, God forbid you run out and reproduce." FML
Today, my dad told me that after my two older siblings were born, he got a vasectomy. However, something went wrong, and the vasectomy had failed, resulting in me. FML
Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML
Today, I had the misfortune of being left alone with my dad. He took it as an opportunity to tell me in detail all about his recent vasectomy, and the complications the surgeon had due to the scar tissue on my dad's testicles. FML
Today, I was shopping at Costco for a romantic evening with my girlfriend, I bought some flowers, dinner, and a super pack of condoms, At the register behind me, I heard somebody say, "Good thing my daughter has a responsible boyfriend." It was my girlfriend's father. FML
Today, I was at the beach with my parents, and I went for a swim in the sea. I got out and my parents started laughing their asses off. It wasn't until my dad pulled a condom out of my hair that I realized what they were laughing at. My dad even took a picture. FML
Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML
Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML
Today, I found out that the only reason I'm alive is because my dad beat the living shit out of my mom to stop her getting an abortion. FML
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Top comments
thrAsHeRr9081 16
Most of us are... :)
iiTzNeeNerz 26
Think of it this way: You were one fast and sneaky little swimmer.
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Comments (86)
thrAsHeRr9081 16
Most of us are... :)
Pleonasm 36
I'm alive because they didn't pay the stork enough to drop me.
perdix 31
#1, no, I was planned, and only regretted years later. I was a good baby and it's been downhill ever since.
Ambient25 25
That doesn't make sense...go sit in the corner.
Thundering_Jibbs 13
That's a lesson to all of you, never use a condom you find in a cereal box.
UnluckyGenius 21
#1 I was also planned in fact I beat some high odds being born a male due to the radiation my dad was exposed to in the Navy.
hugozac88 22
I'm alive because my dad hadn't heard of all these new fancy birth control methods... Like pulling out!
ohio53 6
Never eat cereal which contains a condom.
blakesinthelake 11
Haha being born a male with the "I am a man." Picture next to it
Horsempeg 25
my mother definitely told all 3 of us we were mistakes, while wasted..at my dads family reunion.
_DudeGuy_ 16
69, my mother told me, my brother, and my sister what alcoholic beverage intoxicated her on the night of our conceptions.
NoFlippinWai 24
I now live on the apartment I was conceived in. They were watching Purple Rain. My dad's words "Well, I was horny and you know how easily suggestable your mother is." Mom's version: I forgot to wear panties and I sat on a bar stool. You're imaculate. Your Sister, well, thats God's will. I would never do anythimg like that. I'm a virgin.
Mahtari 19
I'm alive. I had no choice in the matter, unfortunately.
AgirlnamedQing 4
That's so mean QAQ
Damian95 16
I think its trying to communicate.
gc327072 31
Ma'am, is that supposed to be a face of some kind?
SumBur 11
I read it as "quack." Am I the only one?
AgirlnamedQing 4
Sure. It's Quack. Let's go with that. I'm a undercover duck. Sssssssssssshhhhhh.
SumBur 11
I'm sorry, I only speak duck.
Athleticism 11
An*
cathyfang1533 12
20 - I think it's either drunk or high. Take your pick.
Rainbow_dumpster 28
that was cold.
Nordrag 26
Truth hurts.
Wowxoxo 17
It doesn't necessarily have to hurt.. OP could've asked if they are now happy the condom broke and if he made a positive difference to their lives.
Miss_Klutzie 28
At least he's honest :D
iiTzNeeNerz 26
Think of it this way: You were one fast and sneaky little swimmer.
jarrettd 27
The first sperm to the egg usually never is the one that fertilizes it. It's a group effort of many sperm to push one through. Health class
strike2867 13
I guess that's a better way to think about it than your mom cheated on your dad without a condom.
kayteakay 26
I'm glad someone else knows their basic reproduction.
MaggieJH 7
We're all champions of the great sperm race
iiTzNeeNerz 26
When did I say he was first? I said he was fast. But you and #60 should get together and enlighten everyone else on the basics of reproduction since it seems that you two are the only ones educated on the subject :)
infamoushack 10
Harsh.
thatnucca 36
God deemed you worth-having and that's all that matters, regardless of what that human toothpick says...
NoDontKillMe 19
*Cue incoming comments about religion*
FlyingLeumer 19
Ok, I realize people on FML are extremely varied in religion, but I hope we all agree life is a blessing, whether that blessing may be in disguise at the time. Thanks for cuing me ;)
WiseGuy79 14
Makes me wonder what the 'off-brand' was lol
sluttyMouth 3
Snickers wrapper.
cocacola999 27
Latex glove.
etchsanity1 11
Truck stop special
kdm_km1 19
dang you were committed!
thewhite_obama69 7
Harsh but at least hes able to tell the truth ;)