Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML
Today, my dad handed me my refilled birth control prescription. I thanked him, and he replied, "Well, God forbid you run out and reproduce." FML
Today, my dad told me that after my two older siblings were born, he got a vasectomy. However, something went wrong, and the vasectomy had failed, resulting in me. FML
Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML
Today, I had the misfortune of being left alone with my dad. He took it as an opportunity to tell me in detail all about his recent vasectomy, and the complications the surgeon had due to the scar tissue on my dad's testicles. FML
Today, I was shopping at Costco for a romantic evening with my girlfriend, I bought some flowers, dinner, and a super pack of condoms, At the register behind me, I heard somebody say, "Good thing my daughter has a responsible boyfriend." It was my girlfriend's father. FML
Today, I was at the beach with my parents, and I went for a swim in the sea. I got out and my parents started laughing their asses off. It wasn't until my dad pulled a condom out of my hair that I realized what they were laughing at. My dad even took a picture. FML
Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML
Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML
Today, I found out that the only reason I'm alive is because my dad beat the living shit out of my mom to stop her getting an abortion. FML
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Top comments
thrAsHeRr9081 16
Most of us are... :)
iiTzNeeNerz 26
Think of it this way: You were one fast and sneaky little swimmer.
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Comments (86)
worldclassrager 41
Better than being aborted right?
Futacy 30
Aren't we all?
avapaige1234 19
No.
klovemachine 24
Yes
unknowndevil 6
I honestly don't get why it is such a big deal whenever a parent says that their child was an accident, such as myself. There are a few ways of looking at it. One: it means you were even luckier than planned children to experience life because you weren't even supposed to be born. Two: if you live with a loving family, it means they still decided to raise and care for you when they could have just aborted or put you up for adoption. Three: it's not like if you're planned they "choose" you out of millions of other sperm, it's basically random from the very beginning.
grumpybr 13
I dont get why parents will tell their kids if they were planned or not. What difference does it make???
cottoncandymango 17
No, you're alive because you're the winning sperm!
billyjoel456 8
It's how we're born ;)
Angelrose2004 17
Maybe he's trying to teach you a lesson about not buying cheap condoms.
KiddoKS 19
Box of Trojans... $6.99 Save-More Condoms... $1.99 A surprise bundle of joy... A lot more than the $5 you saved ;)
chocolatefrog28 29
Welcome to the club.
lukewhit 4
what brand?
XxcaitanatorXx 12
wow thats all i half to say
snegma 16
have*