Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML
Today, my dad handed me my refilled birth control prescription. I thanked him, and he replied, "Well, God forbid you run out and reproduce." FML
Today, my dad told me that after my two older siblings were born, he got a vasectomy. However, something went wrong, and the vasectomy had failed, resulting in me. FML
Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML
Today, I had the misfortune of being left alone with my dad. He took it as an opportunity to tell me in detail all about his recent vasectomy, and the complications the surgeon had due to the scar tissue on my dad's testicles. FML
Today, I was shopping at Costco for a romantic evening with my girlfriend, I bought some flowers, dinner, and a super pack of condoms, At the register behind me, I heard somebody say, "Good thing my daughter has a responsible boyfriend." It was my girlfriend's father. FML
Today, I was at the beach with my parents, and I went for a swim in the sea. I got out and my parents started laughing their asses off. It wasn't until my dad pulled a condom out of my hair that I realized what they were laughing at. My dad even took a picture. FML
Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML
Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML
Today, I found out that the only reason I'm alive is because my dad beat the living shit out of my mom to stop her getting an abortion. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
thrAsHeRr9081 16
Most of us are... :)
iiTzNeeNerz 26
Think of it this way: You were one fast and sneaky little swimmer.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (86)
Virtual_BS 13
Be glad that you are.
jessBeAqueen 13
dont look at it as an accident but more of a surprise. at least that what I do. my parents had other options (a word that rhymes with sha-shmortion) but regardless of the pressure others put on them, they decided to keep me. Your parents took the same route. That and how theyve stuck around to raise you properly says a lot. just be grateful OP
vivianaalicia 5
What a douche lol
happyhead123 16
Tell him it also took a lot of alcohol on his wife's part before condoms were even relevant.
RodzillaX 30
At least you didn't give up. You're a fighter my friend.
perdix 31
"Coincidentally, I've pre-registered you into a faulty, off-brand nursing home. Try not to forget anything or break a hip, cuz they're itching to take your money, heh-heh-heh."
acrouch 9
Ouch...
WildWonder808 14
Hey honesty goes a long way!
avapaige1234 19
At least now you know that you owe your life to a broken condom and not him.
olpally 33
What an asshole. Jesus. Go get a drink op. can't do much about this.