Today, my recently married friend took off her wedding ring to make bread. Being single and pathetic, I tried it on to see what it would look like. It got stuck on my finger. The ER doctor had to cut it off. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my best friend invited me to dinner at his house. When I went to the toilet, I found my wife's wedding ring in a cup, which she'd lost a week ago. FML
Today, my wedding ring went missing. Later, my 3-year-old came to me crying, he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off, he peed on me. FML
Today, my husband went on a boys' night but I found his wedding ring on the nightstand so I confronted him when he got home. He was wearing his ring. What I had was a brass olive ring for plumbing so now I look like a jealous idiot. FML
Today, my girlfriend lost one of her rings. I found this out as I overheard her gushing to her friend about how I must have borrowed it to find out what her ring size is. I have zero interest whatsoever in the sick and utterly immoral institution of marriage. FML
Today, despite been married for less than two days, my husband has managed to lose his wedding ring. FML
Today, at work, my vindictive, cheating ex made me clean and inspect her new wedding ring. FML
Today, as I peeled a now soggy Band-Aid off my finger, I discovered that in the dim light of yesterday evening, I had, with great anxiety, wrapped it around the wrong finger. FML
Today, I was so happy to be divorced from my asshole husband, I threw my ring off the bridge near the park where we met. As I was walking away, a diver surfaced, yelled, “I think you dropped this, miss” and threw the ring back at me. I can't catch a break today. FML
Today, I went on my fifth date with my new girlfriend. Apparently, she was in such a rush while leaving work that she forgot to take off her wedding ring. FML
Today, my hand was stung by a wasp. It has resulted in all my fingers being swollen and therefore much bigger than usual. I'm getting married tomorrow and there's no way I can get the ring on my finger. FML
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Top comments
macskapingvin 0
You shouldn't find out what it looks like until you put your own on. Next, you'll be sleeping with her husband just to find out what that feels like, right? I hope they don't have to cut him off you.
DocBastard 40
Some countries would consider that you basically performed a divorce ceremony by taking the woman's ring and cutting it. Congratulations on destroying this brand new marriage, you insenitive wench. I hope you're proud of yourself.
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Comments (190)
jocelyng_fml 0
fhl
muhaidib 2
cut the ring or your finger?!
illmatic2 16
Obviously her finger, you idiot.
Alpha35 4
haha ur ugly so u tried on a ring ur never going to get OP
_Damien_ 0
Nice duck face.
JokerJohn7 0
cut the ring off u idiots
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
At least you have friends... I'm single, pathetic, and fat-fingered as well, and I don't have any real friends. ): But I can't complain, I'm pretty happy. (:
crew279 0
don't worry 118. you can always have surgery to help your fat fingers. maybe then you cab make friends!!
Susieee_Q 9
Speaking to OP - that's more of an FML for your friend.
NoMoreRainbows 0
wow 90 you fail at life for being pathetic
mikeyMcFly 0
soap & warm water always works. if not try lube. Smh dumb ass
the101dan 0
118 - lmfao
ajh557 22
Your the idiot who would waste a perfectly good ring #106
ajh557 22
118 the cat lady always seems happy, no one questioned if you were.
harry_potter_luv 0
aww you poor loner :P ydi
PurplePeeps 0
"You made that up."
Perdition 4
"Today, my fat, ugly friend got my brand-new wedding ring stuck on one of her sausage finger rolls. We tried everything to get it off, but the thunderthumbs didn't budge and it had to be cut. She's single and poor, so she won't be buying a replacement. FML"
spaerro 8
He cut off the ring, or the finger? O.O
Stan_Cubed 7
149 hahaha! Seriously, you just made my day.
ameliabeth09 0
Hmmm I think ydi.. Unless you asked her if you could try it on..
RonRon951 0
So how'd it look? :)
snowby2 15
must have been the look of losing a friend
0opsie 6
I read this wrong the first time and thought the doctor had to cut her finger off. Can't you offer to get the ring fixed?
LuxAeterna_fml 0
Curiosity killed the cat. :D
DiamondBTroll 0
but the cat had 9 lives. :D
thelastavailable 13
satisfaction brought it back
RawrBunneh 0
I have chubby fingers to, I feel your pain, but I try on my friends rings carefully haha, but I'm not single like you. I feel bad for u...
SkateElement44 0
I feel bad for your boyfriend
mercedes3210 6
aww that was mean
shumian 4
ass hole grow up
CurlyChica808 4
128 that was mean, she's really pretty:) oh and I have that same aero shirt lol
macskapingvin 0
You shouldn't find out what it looks like until you put your own on. Next, you'll be sleeping with her husband just to find out what that feels like, right? I hope they don't have to cut him off you.
muchagente 5
not such a bad idea
frozenshake 5
Ahahaha that comment made me smile :)
DocBastard 40
Some countries would consider that you basically performed a divorce ceremony by taking the woman's ring and cutting it. Congratulations on destroying this brand new marriage, you insenitive wench. I hope you're proud of yourself.
bellahhh 0
jeez, don't take it that seriously. It was an accident. Granted, she shouldn't have done it without asking her, but it was just an accident. Relax. She can always get it fixed too.
TwoZeroOZ 2
He's trying to make a joke.
zp5 4
That isn't a joke.
ImaginaryFoe 1
I am fairly certain that only you were taking it seriously here, #66. And I hope you were referring to OP as tge "she" who could get it fixed. If a friend of mine took my new wedding ring, forced it down her fat finger then had to have it cut off, she would damn sure be paying for repairs or a new ring.
DocBastard 40
It wasn't a joke at all, as zp5 astutely noted. Where I'm from, divorce is performed exactly like this. The ring is cut off and then ceremoniously melted. The molten metal is then molded into the shape of a fruit bat as 17 eunuchs play "Stairway to Heaven" on the pan flute. How the hell is it done in your country?
tati3092 1
we get divorce papers here in America XD haha ur country or whatevers sounds real complicated haha
KFCkoolaidWaterm 0
73, what country are you from? I don't mean that in like a creepy stalker way. Just wondering, because where I'm from, you just need to sign some papers.
DocBastard 40
Oh...my...god. Please make it stop.
beccusmaximus 0
Haha, "Stairway to Heaven" on the pan flute. Thanks for making my day, Doc. :)
ImaginaryFoe 1
I've gouged my eyes out, Doc, so I see no reason for alarm or complaint.
fakeaccountX 6
We all know Doc's from Djibouti.
xRMBx 3
Doc ur my hero hahaha, some ppl are so clueless :P
LloydLover69 2
booobss
KiddNYC1O 22
Sigh. So many simple minds on this thread.
boopityboppity 11
I'm not sure that they qualify as minds, Kidd. These are people to whom "irony" means "like iron."
DropTheDaggerxx 31
Oh my god, please tell me people are not honestly this stupid.
bamagrl410 31
I wish people from America would stop proving the stereotypes true... It makes me wonder if I should just forget the whole political career route due to the fact that this country seems hopeless lol. And OP, you fail as a friend.
Doortje 30
I refuse to believe this. It keeps me from killing myself.
bob90079 0
the man tries to take what he can while the woman presses charges and ultimately gets everything, then later stalks the man.
Riccoshea 0
HAHAHAHA
lexi365 20
127, you made my day!
criminalmind 10
I agree with number 89
jocelyng_fml 0
there is no 89