Today, while flicking my bean, I was thinking about my boyfriend who moved to California last week. Before I came, I had to stop because I started crying. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I caught a flight to see my boyfriend, who is stationed in the army 300 miles away. When I was just 15 minutes from the base he called to say that we should break up. Now I'm heading back to California, single and broke. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me to a restaurant for lunch and said, “It’s time we talk about our future.” I got all emotional, thinking he was going to propose. Instead, he calmly told me he’s moving to another country. I cried into my breadsticks. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me in tears because the love of his life has decided to move on with another man. He is currently on his way over to cry on my shoulder about it. FML
Today, I moved to California. Too bad the rest of my belongings didn't. FML
Today, I went to see my boyfriend with the intention of breaking up with him. Instead I discovered that he lost his job today and has to move back in with his parents. I can't bring myself to dump someone who's already crying about his horrible day. Now I have to comfort my soon-to-be ex. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 3 months broke up with me because he is moving. He's only moving 20 minutes away. FML
Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend is moving out to California to be with a girl he met while on Chatroulette. We broke up because he thought we were moving too fast. FML
Today, I ran into my boyfriend. The same guy that told me he was still in Florida with his family. FML
Today, I saw my ex-boyfriend at Wal-Mart. This would have been fine had he not broken up with me because he was "moving to Canada." FML
Today, I was crying because my cat died. My boyfriend cupped my face in his hands, looked me straight into the eyes and said, "I love seeing you cry." FML
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Top comments
PurpleFrostingg 7
Lol. " Flicking my bean"
actingbro 3
Who says "flicking my bean"? Lol
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Comments (286)
alcoholocaust 0
this post reminds me of 'the ugly truth'
fanceh 10
"one year, on valentines day, I was so sad that I masturbated with my own tears. just once though." +1 interwebz if you know what movie that's from.
Mandy0325 1
I was thinking the same thing haha
Jvr91 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
What a pussy
Souners 3
Waiting...what an epic movie.
DrIDGAF 7
Gotta flick the bean a little bit harder to forget about this one
kenji212 8
Ok ok! Im a very visual person so when i fist read it i visualized just a random someone flicking a bean down a counter...... Then i realized what it meant! Hahaha!
Jaimegirl 7
Yeah I was thinking "flick my bean...you mean you have a small you-know-what?" Then I realized they were female and they were talking about there boyfriend. lol
YourEvilHero 12
calling the ****** a beam? wow
Keyman1212 14
Yeah, I think she was calling her ******** a bean, not a large piece of wood. Dumbass...
tj4234 36
#85 It's a bean, not a beam you oatcake :L. A beam is a bit big...
thegreatbigwhite 2
Who knows, maybe she has a clit the size of a beam of wood
scrapmetal58 9
If it was that big you could swing from the rafters of her ******.
Eaglestrike117 29
YDI for using that expression.
emilymelizabeth 11
so sad :(
taurusxdee 10
Yay for The Ugly Truth references=]
dotDotMyCurve 0
um. at that dumby up there she was speakin of her clit. dipshii(:
NicNax007 0
Beam??? Epic fail.
aswan15 0
Exactly what I thought!!! Haha who even says that?! :)
welandedonthemoo 5
Waiting?
bitchslapped22 14
235- Flicking the bean is a common phrase for female masturbation, not just something OP made up.
Daddy_Big_Balls 1
It can't be that common if some of us haven't heard of the phrase yet. For I have just heard it, and I think it sounds pretty ******* stupid.
UnderTheMoon 0
And?
hahahahepicfail 0
Oh that sucks I hope you see your boyfriend soon op
eastside1313 5
Does that mean ur gay?
PurpleFrostingg 7
Lol. " Flicking my bean"
StoryOfTheYear 15
I actually was quite confused by what he meant I truly had wondered where OP had been going when he said "before I came" I feel intelligent xD
Jvr91 8
28 he?
jayer_hooo 0
rofl that's a she btw and what a weird as thing to call it?? lik WTF?
StoryOfTheYear 15
35- Doh!
Brool_Story_Co 17
39- Can you please learn to spell before you comment again
sematariux 7
28 = virgin lolz ;) And 45 Stfu
Jvr91 8
45 it's a post on fml not English class
Brool_Story_Co 17
I'm not saying it is English class, I'm just asking people not to spell like they're mentally deficient.
xcarxcrashx 9
Yeah 73 but isn't that argument over yet? I don't know why people care so ******* much about spelling on this silly, and sometimes stupid website. Only an asshole who has no argument complains about spelling. Either that or you're just a pretentious dick.
aFatFuck 0
47 real original calling some one over the internet you don't even know a virgin.
mollyslips 13
41 might not be virgin, i've never heard anyone call clit a bean before XD
noelykins1 19
Haha I so agree, I had to read this post 3 times to get" flicking my bean"
noelykins1 19
So your trying to say that when you are typing as fast as an average person about 75 GPM it isn't okay to not push a key all the way down by accident. If that's how you look at it then you sir are a jackass. Just stating the truth. Oh was I talking to fast for you? Sorry I didn't realize your small incompetent brain couldn't intake the truth.
looptyloop98 5
she does?
Brool_Story_Co 17
127- When you are replying to a thread you should clarify who you are talking to
Llamassss 21
127- *Too* fast for you. Also, *you're* trying to say.
Brool_Story_Co 17
Good point 144, my small, incompetent brain didn't notice those mistakes when I first read 127s comment
coNsperAZI 4
U flick it I lick it
IAm1AwesomeChick 7
28, op is a girl. op, who uses the phrase "flicking my bean"? lol
fuhkinsupah 0
never seen a comment liked so much
Brool_Story_Co 17
198- I've seen a comment with over 800 thumbs up
MatthewDmerrill 5
it's a girl not a boy
robert2597 0
Your hot
JaZZyDaDDyJ612 0
Haha nice out of all that you get out flicking the bean
FatherofTime87 18
Gross
actingbro 3
Who says "flicking my bean"? Lol
Mandy0325 1
or the person who wrote Gerard butler's lines...
zachherbert 10
Justin Bieber
StoryOfTheYear 15
23
BIEBERSLAYER 10
30's mom
tr0llz0r 0
OP.
xXshadowrollerXx 6
Jesus.
weezybabyboo 0
chelsea handler.
AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12
I'm surprised this person is from the Uniyed States. When I read " flicking my bean" I thought she was from England or something XD
lerouxmaster 7
Mr. Bean
MrNiceGuy518 3
C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!
properbostonian 5
It's a British phrase
Slipknot666Maggo 0
206 stole my line.
domleelin 0
F u!!!!!!!
BelleBelle_fml 11
Déjà vu...
WildInTheStreets 5
Trolololo
ilovecookies83 0
I've never heard the term 'flicking my bean' How creative haha!
CatEyes66 0
I've never heard if it before either but it wasn't the "bean" part of the quote that creeped me out it was the "flicking" part. Sounds painful.
fahquad 4
It's old slang that was used. Lesbians also sometimes called beanflickers
khlinka 0
That's a typical girl for you lol
BoredomCentral 8
I'm sorry, I'm off to find a translator for this comment cause I have no idea what you just said.... brb :)
foreverDark 1
I honestly didn't hear it before this either, so I did a search on Urban Dictionary. Couldn't people just use the word "masturbation" and be done with it
citymayer 7
That is just tragic.
elmogoezRAWR 0
Bitch, please.
Nyolia 11
Well, that's, um, awkward. Get better, I guess. Or whatever you're supposed to say to this.