Today, while cooking with my girlfriend, I thought it would be funny to slap her with a raw porkchop. She thought it would be funny to throw the hot cooking grease on me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML
Today, I was cooking bacon while my dog watched me, drooling. I thought this was funny and I teased her a bit. I then slipped in the drool as I was carrying the bacon and she got to enjoy it. FML
Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML
Today, I went over to this girl's house that I really like. I was planning on cooking her dinner. In the process, the grease in the pan got too hot and caught fire. We ended up having to call the fire department. FML
Today, my boyfriend was cooking me dinner. He walked away and I decided to help by giving the pan of veggies a sautee flip. My boyfriend failed to mention that he had just pulled that pan out of a 500 degree oven. FML
Today, my girlfriend threw boiling water at me to get me off my phone. It worked, but now I'm burned. FML
Today, my girlfriend hit me on the head with a frying pan for a funny video, because she thought it would go bonk and make me do a funny reaction. She must be a new kind of stupid cause I got four stitches, a hairline fracture, and a headache. FML
Today, my wife stabbed my hand with a fork, making it bleed. I'd only tried to take some fries from her plate. FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend by cooking dinner. As I was chopping onions, I cut my finger and started bleeding everywhere. She walked in, saw the blood on the onions, and almost passed out. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
peete182 0
Wait until she falls asleep then take all of her left shoes, leave the right ones, she won't know what's going on
leftyy 0
then there would be nothing LEFT
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (180)
peete182 0
Wait until she falls asleep then take all of her left shoes, leave the right ones, she won't know what's going on
leftyy 0
then there would be nothing LEFT
iBanana 17
It OP would be right.
iBanana 17
Stupid IPhone. *then
NeatNit 33
Turn off auto-correction. I did that the minute I got my iPod Touch.
airforce987 20
Anyone else think of Minecraft while reading this? :)
Alexisthebestest 16
Whenever my aunt was mad at my uncle, she would take one of his shoes and burn them. ;)
theghost1309 11
51- lol damn that seems a lil harsh
DevilPup568 0
I like how the airforce guy has a Marine Corp picture. Way to go.
ironman108 0
I know right! Chair force guy with a jarheads iwo jima picture!!!
The_Troller 14
47- I sure did. Minecraft FTW!
airforce987 20
Woops! I forgot. A patriot can't have a picture and username be from two different branches of the military. God. Sorry. If it ******* bothers you that much, I'll change it asswipes.
ugottaluvme 0
You play to much minecraft buddy.
TurdTickler4eva 0
Dont change it your pic rocks
seraph510 0
There must be some kinda of relationship between shoes and breaking/fights lol
angrymexican 8
All of this is pretty funny
minecraft_fml 4
Pour canola oil all over her and have HOT sex!
13rit 0
Y'all say do this but u don't no what she would do if she got mad enough
Euronymous93 29
Are you my friend's dog? He steals all their left shoes.
iamyourmum 1
You deserve it for incurring a woman's deadly wrath *muffled laughter*
THE_A_TEEN 28
Getting hot grease on you = 3rd degree burns. Womans wrath, more like domestic abuse to me...
VenomSiphon 13
Fitting revenge for throwing solidified Salmonella. AND WHAT IF SHE WAS JEWISH, DAMMIT? THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING
THE_A_TEEN 28
I get the joke but, under THE LAW, it's not since she implicted physical harm (again, 3rd degree burns) against someone (op), plus any other reason, like your "salmonella or jewish" defense isn't valid. A punch or equal prank would be nice but throwing hot cooking grease is crossing over the line. Just saying...
theghost1309 11
I gotta agree with a-teen here that's just more than messed up. Seems like she might have some anger issues.
kareltje 17
Maybe a tad bit overreacted from her side, but you had that coming. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. Isn't that what they say? ;)
docscientist 10
A tad? Hot grease. Thrown on him. Bitch is crazy.
My_Sweet_Shadow 4
Are you stupid? That saying doesn't apply to this FML at all, nor was it funny. His idea of a joke was dumb but to retaliate in such a harsh manner is ludicrous. That would be like you giving a love tap to someone and they turn around and smash you repeatedly with a hammer... That woman is a crazy bitch.
kareltje 17
I'm sorry... You kinda missed the sarcasm dripping off my comment, didya? ;)
MattRoseen 12
No...they didn't. You just missed the point that the crazy bitch probably put him in the hospital or damn near for nothing.
idontknowyou123 0
BURN!
bamagrl410 31
Such a cliche response, but so appropriate in this situation. Well done lol
cyK0tek 0
2nd degree burn to be more exact!
whorerhorror 6
typical chick
THE_A_TEEN 28
What kind of "typical chick" throws hot grease at someone?
MagicallyFat 12
14 - what kind of typical chick wont overreact in such a way.
lifesucks1234567_fml 2
They me even do it for fun.....
bizarre_ftw 22
6 (As a follow up to 14) where do you live that that is a typical chick?!
here4theparty 4
Its probably advisable for your safely to hang out with some different chicks then bro.
hawaiianfire 0
Haha but you chicks haven't been hit by a raw pork chop yet. So how do you know how you'd react?
bamagrl410 31
Being hit with food is no reason to pour grease on someone and cause severe burns. Honestly, I'm pretty sure acts like that can be considered punishable by law if it causes enough damage... Anyways, the point is she's kinda nuts.
radiocaf 29
what the ****? over reaction much?
lostintime94 5
Are you kidding me? He totally deserved that...
cyK0tek 0
^K. Then the next time I'm done cookin' a burger or somethin' and you piss me off, I'll throw that grease on you! Possibly in your face and I'll say you TOTALLY deserved it. She WAYY fu*kin' overreacted..
cyK0tek 0
Where was I? Oh yeah. **continues "persuasion of target, throws hot grease** YOU'VE GOT TILL 5 O'CLOCK, YOU HEAR ME!?! YOU'VE GOT TILL 5 O'CLOCK! Now go clean yourself up...
PremierWu1 7
I think she overreacted. I mean, when is getting slapped by a raw porkchop not funny?
Stumblebum30 5
It's never funny.
tayza249 20
Getting hit in the face with a bloody hunk of dead pig? Yea, that's HILARIOUS! -.-
Ecklcakes 15
Fighting to the death in minecraft?
Epsilonyx 15
"Pork on my skin? HOW ABOUT BLAZING GREASE ON YOURS, BITCH" yeah, overreaction.
THE_A_TEEN 28
1) Dont slap your girlfroend with raw meat. 2) You have to leave her. If she is willing to throw hot cooking grease at you, then now you know she has malevolent and possibly sadistic tendencies. Leave her, now...
THE_A_TEEN 28
Aaarrrgggg, double post. Shite...
satph 12
16- haha! i love it when people say shite!
THE_A_TEEN 28
1) Dont slap your girlfriend with raw meat. (tee-hee) 2) You have to leave her. If she is willing to throw hot cooking grease at you, then now you know she has malevolent and possibly sadistic tendencies. Leave her, now...
NeatNit 33
Unless that turns you on.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Dirty joke, not a horny moment. sorry I mislead you...
MattRoseen 12
You're exactly right. How you don't have more thumbs up perplexes me.