Today, while cooking with my girlfriend, I thought it would be funny to slap her with a raw porkchop. She thought it would be funny to throw the hot cooking grease on me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML
Today, I was cooking bacon while my dog watched me, drooling. I thought this was funny and I teased her a bit. I then slipped in the drool as I was carrying the bacon and she got to enjoy it. FML
Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML
Today, I went over to this girl's house that I really like. I was planning on cooking her dinner. In the process, the grease in the pan got too hot and caught fire. We ended up having to call the fire department. FML
Today, my boyfriend was cooking me dinner. He walked away and I decided to help by giving the pan of veggies a sautee flip. My boyfriend failed to mention that he had just pulled that pan out of a 500 degree oven. FML
Today, my girlfriend threw boiling water at me to get me off my phone. It worked, but now I'm burned. FML
Today, my girlfriend hit me on the head with a frying pan for a funny video, because she thought it would go bonk and make me do a funny reaction. She must be a new kind of stupid cause I got four stitches, a hairline fracture, and a headache. FML
Today, my wife stabbed my hand with a fork, making it bleed. I'd only tried to take some fries from her plate. FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend by cooking dinner. As I was chopping onions, I cut my finger and started bleeding everywhere. She walked in, saw the blood on the onions, and almost passed out. FML
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Top comments
peete182 0
Wait until she falls asleep then take all of her left shoes, leave the right ones, she won't know what's going on
leftyy 0
then there would be nothing LEFT
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Comments (180)
Tyger44 1
Leave her,probably while she is asleep&move to another state. If that is how ur gf reacts to a bad joke,i dont wana imagine what'll happen when u break up with her.
littlerena67 2
i agree w this tht lady seems crazy
ikickgingers 15
Soooooooo nobody else gets turned on by raw meat?? :/ Your girl is a grade A psyho. Stop picking up girls at the psych ward? They still have mental hospitals that will give you cash for dropping off wack jobs. I'm just saying 75 bucks seems a lot more appetizing ...
ikickgingers 15
17 - four of them? Maybe you should start requiring personal background checks, for your own safety. :/
schaflava 0
I like my pussy crazy!
leadman1989 16
"I never really thought you were psyco" -- the faint :)
Daralea 21
Keev, were all four of them approximately the same height, had similar features, and dyed their hair different colours?
leadman1989 16
You should have stayed the **** out of her way. Stay in your place on the couch with a beer watching cute I... I... I mean MANLY muscled guys tackle, wrestle, or beat the crap out of each other.
lostintime94 5
No...
superangryandy 2
Yes.
lolman222 0
In no way did OP deserve hot grease throw at him. Maybe a slap in the butt with raw meat, but definitely not hot grease on him. For all you girl who say, "Of course he deserved it!" You are all crazy and need to be put in a mental hospital until you understand the severity of the actions. Slap = minimal pain, Hot grease = 3rd Degree Burns and possibly permanent scarring.
karagarren 8
True. I have scars on my arm from hot grease. it hurts like hell. you're girlfriend is all sorts of mental.
xmidnightxlonerx 12
I had hot grease spilled on me. Right above my ball fro. It hurt like a bitch and I couldn't move for 3 days. I got lucky with no scaring x)
Iknoweverything 29
I blew up my entire face putting frozen fish in hot grease and had to have each fricken blister cleaned out by the burn center every few days until they healed. I'm not even certain why anyone makes jokes about this, since it IS so painful. Hell, forget permanent scarring, if OP had gotten grease in his eye, he would have been rendered permanently blind!
PinkFun1969 9
Guess this girl taught you a Leson. The only raw meat you should slap her with is what come out of your shorts. Oooo
THE_A_TEEN 28
*lesson. Bye...
lolman222 0
Lesson(s) learned. Men mess around. Women harm to teach.
zombiekitten87 12
The hot grease was too far, but I probably would have punched you in the face/gut for that dick move. Some people may think thats funny, but a slap to the face is disrespectful, especially with something as disgusting as raw pork. Also you probably did it a lot harder and it hurt more than you realized. Granted, third degree burns are probably not equal payback. You should fear for your life.
tayza249 20
When an FML starts with 'I thought it would be funny to..' then you already know that they deserved it
NeatNit 33
Too true. (but not entirely true)
lorena32140 0
YOU WANT SOME ICE WITH THAT BURN?
jbones24 22
kay, so, admittedly, you probably know as well as i do smacking people with raw meat is a bad idea... did you deserve hot grease thrown on you? probably not, but you deserved something. get her back in a subtle manner to restore karmic balance.
xStaciexLynnx 15
Maybe it's not what happened but have you thought that of the possibility that she spilled the hot grease as a reaction to you slapping her with the pork chop, instead of her throwing it at you? If so, YDI 100%.