Today, while cooking with my girlfriend, I thought it would be funny to slap her with a raw porkchop. She thought it would be funny to throw the hot cooking grease on me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML
Today, I was cooking bacon while my dog watched me, drooling. I thought this was funny and I teased her a bit. I then slipped in the drool as I was carrying the bacon and she got to enjoy it. FML
Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML
Today, I went over to this girl's house that I really like. I was planning on cooking her dinner. In the process, the grease in the pan got too hot and caught fire. We ended up having to call the fire department. FML
Today, my boyfriend was cooking me dinner. He walked away and I decided to help by giving the pan of veggies a sautee flip. My boyfriend failed to mention that he had just pulled that pan out of a 500 degree oven. FML
Today, my girlfriend threw boiling water at me to get me off my phone. It worked, but now I'm burned. FML
Today, my girlfriend hit me on the head with a frying pan for a funny video, because she thought it would go bonk and make me do a funny reaction. She must be a new kind of stupid cause I got four stitches, a hairline fracture, and a headache. FML
Today, my wife stabbed my hand with a fork, making it bleed. I'd only tried to take some fries from her plate. FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend by cooking dinner. As I was chopping onions, I cut my finger and started bleeding everywhere. She walked in, saw the blood on the onions, and almost passed out. FML
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Top comments
peete182 0
Wait until she falls asleep then take all of her left shoes, leave the right ones, she won't know what's going on
leftyy 0
then there would be nothing LEFT
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Comments (180)
KiddNYC1O 22
Yeah, meat slap. So manly.
maddylovesu 5
FOOD FIGHT!
CanuckPopcicle 2
What's the whole story tho? Stupid of OP to slap his gf with raw meat, especially if she was already holding the pot/frying pan with hot grease and threw the grease on him as a reflex. If gf purposely reached for the pan after being slapped, than yeah, not a healthy relationship.
alpha_kennyBody 3
first of all .. OP had this one coming. who the **** slaps someone with a porkchop? & just because his gf threw hot grease on him doesnt mean she's psycho. it could have been pure reflex.
kaykay20 0
You sure her throwing her arms up wasn't just a automatic reflex from getting hit? Really a bad time to try messing around and raw chicken..so unsanitary and disgusting.
GypsyRover 0
Go camping way out of town,then leave her there. This will give u time to get all of her belongings to the curb and change the locks.
EvilDave 13
3,300+ people think domestic violence is acceptable.
Clarice1 9
agreed. I'm not sure how serious you were in using the term "domestic violence", but I think it's legit. As a woman I have no problem saying that physically abusing a man is unacceptable.
Clarice1 9
Geez. OP, there are a lot of FMLs on here from guys who do gross and creepy things to their girlfriends and get upset when they retaliate, but you are *not* one of those. You in no way deserved to have hot grease thrown on you. That's ridiculous and scary. (I happen to be a vegan, so if someone hit me with a pork chop I would be really upset -- but if you both were cooking them and both planning to eat them you didn't really do anything wrong.)
crownlogic 25
I'm vegan too, and while I obviously never wish to be slapped with raw meat I don't think that people who eat it want to be slapped in the face with it either. The OP did do something wrong, but the problem is with the girlfriend's solution.
brianjman14 23
Larentiah, I hope you never have a boyfriend. Even a kick to the balls is no excuse for that. That shit hurts so bad! And it reduces chance of children.
Calyx_fml 22
You deserve something but certainly not 3rd degree burns.