Today, my parents grounded me for finding their stash of weed. The irony is killing me right now. FML
Today, I received my first negative feedback on my otherwise flawless eBay record. The woman who bought the item said it wasn't as delicious as she was expecting, so there must be something wrong with it. What was I selling? A new and unopened lipstick. FML
Today, my son, who seems to think that he is a "gangsta" despite being a white boy from the suburbs, cried because I accidentally burned his grilled cheese. He's 28. FML
Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cotton swab shoved up my cock's piss-pipe. FML
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