Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend by cooking dinner. As I was chopping onions, I cut my finger and started bleeding everywhere. She walked in, saw the blood on the onions, and almost passed out. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, visiting my partner’s family for the first time, I offered to help cook, saying I could chop the vegetables. Five minutes later, I nicked my finger, dropped the knife, and instinctively said a very loud curse word in front of their very traditional grandparents. Everyone froze while someone went to get me a bandage. FML
Today, I was cooking dinner for my children, managing for once not to screw up and hurt myself. Then, while chopping vegetables, I accidentally sliced my finger open. The same finger that was still covered in juice from a lemon I'd just squeezed. FML
Today, I was chopping veggies for dinner and accidentally sliced through my thumbnail and into my finger. I wrapped it and finished cooking, despite being in considerable pain. My husband patted my shoulder and said sympathetically, "Don’t worry about the dishes babe. You can just do them tomorrow.” FML
Today, my wife stabbed my hand with a fork, making it bleed. I'd only tried to take some fries from her plate. FML
Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend, but I was so nervous that I had a panic attack, fainted and split my head open. My girlfriend then fainted at the sight of the blood. An onlooker had to call an ambulance for both of us. FML
Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML
Today, I was making myself lunch. I love cooking, and often, I pretend I'm on the Food Network. I started to slice some tomatoes rapidly, which, turns out, was a big mistake; I sliced my thumb open. FML
Today, my girlfriend's needy five year-old tried to swing on my arm while I was cutting celery. I needed seven stitches. Later, my girlfriend complained that I should have cleaned up the blood because she's squeamish, and that I upset her son by yelling and cussing in pain. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend by cooking her dinner. I spent hours preparing and making sure everything was perfect. I lit candles, set the table, and even put on some soft music. When she came home, she'd already eaten and wasn't hungry. FML
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Top comments
Chazzster 32
My mom tells the coconut story - She was a bit clumsy in the kitchen and while she was grating a cracked and shelled coconut she noticed the grated coconut was slightly pink from the blood from her fingers. After that she bought her coconut already grated… OP, everyone who does any kitchen work with a knife has at one point or another nicked or cut themselves. It comes with the territory. Most people who do that much learn when and how to be careful with cutting things up. And there is even the possibility of knife proof kitchen cutting gloves - you only need 1 because the one holding the knife never gets cut. And of course keep a few bandaids in the kitchen within reach…
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Comments (1)
Chazzster 32
My mom tells the coconut story - She was a bit clumsy in the kitchen and while she was grating a cracked and shelled coconut she noticed the grated coconut was slightly pink from the blood from her fingers. After that she bought her coconut already grated… OP, everyone who does any kitchen work with a knife has at one point or another nicked or cut themselves. It comes with the territory. Most people who do that much learn when and how to be careful with cutting things up. And there is even the possibility of knife proof kitchen cutting gloves - you only need 1 because the one holding the knife never gets cut. And of course keep a few bandaids in the kitchen within reach…