Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend, I heard a popping noise, and then had a sharp pain in my dick. Turns out I "broke" it. Instead of calling 911 immediately, my girlfriend remarked how my now black and blue penis looked like a Smurf. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I simultaneously learned that fracturing your penis is a thing that can happen while my wife fractured mine in the middle of some rough reverse cowgirl. My penis is now black and blue with an almost 90 degree bend, and to make it worse the ambulance guys thought it was funny. FML
Today, my boyfriend was trying to tackle me to the bed when we heard a loud pop. The pop turned out to be him breaking my pinky finger. FML
Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML
Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML
Today, I decided to get in the cowgirl position since it's my fiancé's favorite. I got a little carried away during the "ride" and suddenly heard his dick crack. I fractured his penis. He's never going to have sex with me again. FML
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Today, I was having sex with my partner and we got very into it. I went to wrap my hand around his neck and somehow accidentally poked my finger in his eye socket so hard he ended up in emergency. He still can’t see properly out of that eye now. FML
Today, my girlfriend was about to give me a blowjob. When her lips met my penis, there was a huge static shock. I never got the blowjob, she is still laughing and I have ice on my penis. FML
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Top comments
DKjazz 20
Hold on, let me go Google "Italian Chandelier".
lex1459 38
I hope you get better soon!
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Comments (216)
Schiffy 18
Hope you got to a hospital soon after, fractured penile syndrome is potentially permanent.
CockieMonster 0
I read your comment with an evil Hichigo snicker....
The_F3rris 11
Maybe make a mental note that that position is dangerous? Haha
erika729 1
It breaks??
Dracoboxer357 36
^ Well, it Can, yes. See replies to comment #7. :)
Bjuddstr 4
Them Italians are tough... they make the rest of us look like limp dicks.
Senseless_487 29
And apparently they make some of us look like broke dicks.
LennyComa 39
At least OP didn't snap his banjo string.
brevolorio 5
I hope you've get better hell u made me relive my pain when i crushed my nut on a railing when skateboarding and I screamed a week from the pain.
Dracoboxer357 36
53- Now that's pain I can relate to. :P When I was 16 one summer, for reasons too brilliant to explain, ;) , I was running at full power through the woods in the middle of the night when I collided with a tree stump some asshole had cut off at exactly groin height. That was my new 10 outta 10 on my pain scale. I threw up for about half an hour until my party found me and carried me home. For the next 3 days, moving any faster than a 110 yr old man with a walker, was like getting re-kicked again. No laughing either, just as bad. :p *Shrugs* That's my story. I don't recommend trying it at home. :P
galacticstorm 6
In high school,I was the goalie in a soccer team after school,one of the opponents came up to me and kicked the ball as hard as they could,only it wasn't the soccer ball they kicked.I curled up into a ball for quite a while in lots of pain. the memory haunts me to this day.
jkjorn 18
My worst shot was one time I was trying to "tightrope walk" on a 2 by 4 suspended in air between 2 barrels- it started wobbling, I slipped off and fell with my legs straddling the board. All I remember is the world turned red & then I blacked out for a moment. Thus ended my dreams of joining the circus.
jacjac23 2
136 - that reminds me of the movie Rumour Has It. 'Blunt Testicular Trauma'
hateevryone 15
You can actually break it? I thought that was just a myth.
The13emo 0
Wow you can actually break it!
Apostle123 2
Are you guys stupid? Of course you can break it
unhappycamperuk 12
sorry OP, you have my genuine sympathy. I'm a theatre nurse and have seen one 'broken penis' in my time. I don't think it would be right to go into the details of what we did to fix it, but I will tell you that I later described it, post surgery and swathed in bandages...
unhappycamperuk 12
... as 'the most depressed looking penis I've ever seen'. I actually had genuine feelings of pity for the penis that were separate from my pity for the poor guy! get better soon, and don't do it again!