Today, I simultaneously learned that fracturing your penis is a thing that can happen while my wife fractured mine in the middle of some rough reverse cowgirl. My penis is now black and blue with an almost 90 degree bend, and to make it worse the ambulance guys thought it was funny. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to get in the cowgirl position since it's my fiancé's favorite. I got a little carried away during the "ride" and suddenly heard his dick crack. I fractured his penis. He's never going to have sex with me again. FML
Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend, I heard a popping noise, and then had a sharp pain in my dick. Turns out I "broke" it. Instead of calling 911 immediately, my girlfriend remarked how my now black and blue penis looked like a Smurf. FML
Today, I was naked and the wife tried to flick my bum with a wet towel. Unfortunately I bent over at the wrong moment and the towel cracked right against the underside of my dangling penis. The whole underside is bruised, it hurts to pee, and God help me tomorrow if I get morning wood. FML
Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Today, my wife tried to be sexy by climbing on top of me wearing nothing but a thong. Unfortunately, her knee came down in just the wrong spot and I passed out instantly from the pain of my testicle rupturing. I'm in hospital now recovering from the removal surgery. FML
Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at me. Now it even hurts to pee or put my trousers on. FML
Today, my girlfriend had one of her seizures during foreplay. She’s fine, but I’m not, she had my penis in her hand and while seizing she squeezed it so hard she ruptured some blood vessels on the inside. I'm now walking bowlegged and on medication to stop me getting erections that might cause more damage. FML
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML
Today, I got into an accident on my motorcycle. When I told my wife that the doctor said I couldn't have sex for two weeks, she couldn't contain her joy. FML
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Top comments
raven_of_azarath 35
I don’t think you know what “simultaneously” means. I’m still waiting for the other thing you learned at the same exact time.
noporn4u 9
Sounds like you at least kept your head.
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Comments (7)
RichardPencil 32
When they put your boner in a cast, make sure they leave a pee hole in the end. Hopefully, they'll set your penis bone correctly so in 6-8 weeks, it will be as good as new.
mackdeezy 22
Look at it this way... you were busy having rough sex with your wife while those two had to deal with the sickly, injured, and the possibly deceased. Last laugh, I'd say.
noporn4u 9
Sounds like you at least kept your head.
RichardPencil 32
For now, maybe. They made need to amputate.
Jaymail 19
If they did that (amputated his Penis) then, in today’s world, would he be considered Male or Female?
noporn4u 9
In dog speak, neutered male.
wysegirl 24
Wrong part.. dogs lose their balls not their penis
raven_of_azarath 35
I don’t think you know what “simultaneously” means. I’m still waiting for the other thing you learned at the same exact time.
Marcella1016 32
Same
RichardPencil 32
That was bugging me, too, but I decided to focus on the anatomical absurdity of the story.
Wadlaen 24
Well, to look at the positive side: some women prefer the black ones...😉
noporn4u 9
And some prefer Smurfs?
coius 23
That image made mine twitch in pain. I’ve known this can occur without ever having had it happen, let alone know anyone who had it happen to them. Hope you heal quick. Can I suggest doing everything to prevent a “stiffy” at any cost? Including either closing your eyes while your SO changes (in case thats a turn on) or taking showers alone (in the instance you and your SO showers together). Not sure you want it to cause more pain by going erect. Wish you a happy and speedy recovery. Most pain i’ve had in intensity is i broke my femur in 2 places and tibia and fibula fraction and heel bone fracture when i landed hard skydiving (1st jump on my own, hit at 40mph, almost died) so not sure how painful breaking the penis is. I also broke my back and have constant pain, but nothing like that.
voodoo66 5
of all the girls that gave me blue balls, none broke the knob