Today, we were going around the table, telling everyone what we were thankful for. My girlfriend said she was thankful for her vibrator, because I can't please her like it can. My family thought this was funny. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, on Thanksgiving, I asked my kid what she is thankful for. "My tablet." I had just told her I was thankful for her. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend secretly purchased a vibrator and has been using it for the past two weeks. When I confronted her, her only argument was "It's made me cum more times than you could." FML
Today, It was my birthday and my friends came to celebrate it. My parents thought it would be funny to give me a vibrator in front of everybody. FML
Today, after giving my mother and my girlfriend their Christmas presents, I realized just how similar they looked both in box size and wrapping paper. I noticed after my mother gasped upon finding a vibrator in her box. FML
Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML
Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML
Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML
Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says, "Wow, this is just too funny." FML
Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML
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Top comments
unixdude 9
...and you are thankful for ****** on Craigslist because you girlfriend is too much of a prude.
kimee21_fml 15
But it is funny!
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Comments (176)
Ncdad75 0
"I'm thankful I can drive and your vibrator can't. Have fun walking home."
JubileeBee 31
Why, exactly, are you having sex before marriage?
dhardesty23 8
step it up bro!
Okayitwasme 0
So, she is saying thank you to God for her vibrator! I bet she thinks that's being Christian! This is why I don't celebrate these lame holidays. Not many people respect God!
DioxideSpartan 0
She probably wasn't degrading God or Christians. Relax
Okayitwasme 0
Ya, I'm in a pissy mood! :(
ihasbrains 10
Some people don't even believe in a God. Like me.
Okayitwasme 0
Then who was she saying thank you to!!!!!!????
amberlysue 3
fake
Gregsgirl4ever 0
Wow.. Quite the classy chick you have right there. I somehow think you can take her everywhere...:s
perdix 31
Are you kidding me? It takes giant balls to say something like that to a roomful of strangers. Are you sure you are dating a female, and not a transvestite with humongous nuts?
Falalala243 0
84- how do you know they are strangers?
perdix 31
Because it's funnier to think the gf just met the family. If she's the perpetual, long-time gf and this is her 10th Thanksgiving with the family, that would just be sad.
Tmoney20 3
You have a shitty gf to go along with your shitty sex drive... Foreplay helps!
Alymc13 0
Wow. What a trashy woman.
JukeboxValkyrie 19
She needs to remember that vibrators will always feel better if she doesn't tell you how she likes things. A woman knows her body perfectly and with the added movements and vibrations that a vibe can give that's an unfair advantage. Op's gf needs to be more clear on how HE can please her, instead of relying on a toy.