Today, we were going around the table, telling everyone what we were thankful for. My girlfriend said she was thankful for her vibrator, because I can't please her like it can. My family thought this was funny. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, on Thanksgiving, I asked my kid what she is thankful for. "My tablet." I had just told her I was thankful for her. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend secretly purchased a vibrator and has been using it for the past two weeks. When I confronted her, her only argument was "It's made me cum more times than you could." FML
Today, It was my birthday and my friends came to celebrate it. My parents thought it would be funny to give me a vibrator in front of everybody. FML
Today, after giving my mother and my girlfriend their Christmas presents, I realized just how similar they looked both in box size and wrapping paper. I noticed after my mother gasped upon finding a vibrator in her box. FML
Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML
Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML
Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML
Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says, "Wow, this is just too funny." FML
Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML
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Top comments
unixdude 9
...and you are thankful for ****** on Craigslist because you girlfriend is too much of a prude.
kimee21_fml 15
But it is funny!
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Comments (176)
_spazziee 6
Maybe you should switch out her vibrator for an identical one, but only smaller. She'll probably say you're better afterwards.
austineddy13 0
What a ****
nikkirenn 6
I always thought honesty was the best policy, but maybe she's a little too honest
SmittyJA24 26
OP: its time to lick the jar ... 'cause you can't cut the mustard.
hateevryone 15
whoa.......somebody needs to step their game up.
pdp_fml 21
Maybe she was caught off guard by the question? Nevertheless, she should have better manners and not embarrass you and your family.
mikeymayhem_87 15
Maybe try drinking a case of Red Bull before sex? That should give you enough vibe going with all that sugar and caffeine in you!
ty1992_farmlife 12
Oh yeah, at least you know they get along. Now you gotta show your girlfriend she doesn't need it.
BrotherTheo 31
Well...Rechargable batteries always make a good stocking stuffer..... But seriously... Sounds like you 2 have a lot to talk about.
phatdaddy62 23
Should be better in the sack!