Today, we were going around the table, telling everyone what we were thankful for. My girlfriend said she was thankful for her vibrator, because I can't please her like it can. My family thought this was funny. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, on Thanksgiving, I asked my kid what she is thankful for. "My tablet." I had just told her I was thankful for her. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend secretly purchased a vibrator and has been using it for the past two weeks. When I confronted her, her only argument was "It's made me cum more times than you could." FML
Today, It was my birthday and my friends came to celebrate it. My parents thought it would be funny to give me a vibrator in front of everybody. FML
Today, after giving my mother and my girlfriend their Christmas presents, I realized just how similar they looked both in box size and wrapping paper. I noticed after my mother gasped upon finding a vibrator in her box. FML
Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML
Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML
Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML
Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says, "Wow, this is just too funny." FML
Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML
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Top comments
unixdude 9
...and you are thankful for ****** on Craigslist because you girlfriend is too much of a prude.
kimee21_fml 15
But it is funny!
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Comments (176)
KiddNYC1O 22
Good humor right there.
bubo_fml 11
Why trade Ever-Ready for Never-Ready? Duracell will ring her bell! To make her hot & runny, use the Energizer Bunny! (I used to cell batteries, don't 'cha know!)
mattorama 15
Quite the proper lady you've got yourself.
perdix 31
Tell her next year she can sponge off her vibrator's family for a free meal.
xbrit551 13
Viagra!
HogwartsDropout7 0
Good luck on making her Thankful List, sir.
Jdog619 11
"Honey, I want a new necklace for Christmas." "Well why don't you get your vibrator to pay for it, you ****!"
skinflint 6
not if your thick.
bubo_fml 11
Damn! The Girl sounds like she's gotta bigger sack than you!
miZscrZee 0
LMAOO. hell naaww! Hahaha.