Today, we were going around the table, telling everyone what we were thankful for. My girlfriend said she was thankful for her vibrator, because I can't please her like it can. My family thought this was funny. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, on Thanksgiving, I asked my kid what she is thankful for. "My tablet." I had just told her I was thankful for her. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend secretly purchased a vibrator and has been using it for the past two weeks. When I confronted her, her only argument was "It's made me cum more times than you could." FML
Today, It was my birthday and my friends came to celebrate it. My parents thought it would be funny to give me a vibrator in front of everybody. FML
Today, after giving my mother and my girlfriend their Christmas presents, I realized just how similar they looked both in box size and wrapping paper. I noticed after my mother gasped upon finding a vibrator in her box. FML
Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML
Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML
Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML
Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says, "Wow, this is just too funny." FML
Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML
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Top comments
unixdude 9
...and you are thankful for ****** on Craigslist because you girlfriend is too much of a prude.
kimee21_fml 15
But it is funny!
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Comments (176)
magicman1 0
Lol 69 likes and dislikes
paperdoll14 0
Don't feel so bad OP it doesn't mean you're THAT bad. I love both my vibe and my boyfriend. He can't neccessarily please me like it does and it can't please me like he does;)
paperdoll14 0
Sorry just wanted to add there is a time and a place for everything though and your girlfriend could have used more tact if she felt there were serious issues. I think her comment was more hurtful than funny..
blaablaa_fml 5
If OPs girlfriend really thinks that OP isn't pleasing her, she should have told that to him in private, not in front of his family. Seriously, there are boundaries to shit like that.
spastiksarcastic 9
Jazz fingers
nikkij1988 0
Well good fellow, you need to get to work then so next year she will be grateful for you! Lol
GetTheFuckOut 7
This sounds fake. What kind of girl would openly tell people she has a ******* vibrator? That's plain stupidity.
psychomusica 0
Dump that girl; it only gets worse - unless you can give her a spanking that she enjoys while she begs you to continue because she loves your punishing her as a bad girl mote than she does her vibrator.
M3gzilla 5
I found this really funny
ame_franky 0
she wouldn't say it if it was a real comment. it's a joke and who says she doesn't pay for everything. I pay for my own shit. sexist bastard
xlibra259x 0
that's not cool.. I do feel bad for you. and besides that is kind of inappropriate for your girlfriend to say something like that, especially in front of your family, wonder what your parents think of her now.
SailorLove 4
what a classy chick you have. "/