By FML Approved - 13/07/2017 18:30 I agree, your life sucks 512 You deserved it 149 Share Tweet Share
Today, I went on my first official date I've been on since my divorce. Things were going great until he ordered his fourth 32oz beer; he got hammered and became a horny octopus. Oh, and he farted whiled trying to give me a goodnight kiss. FML I agree, your life sucks 39 959 You deserved it 4 708
Today, I was at my friend's house. It was dark and downpouring so I couldn't see as I was backing out of his driveway. I made it out, but then my phone went off, scaring me, and I accidentally hit the gas pedal, hitting his neighbor's parked car. Turns out he called to warn me to watch out for it. FML I agree, your life sucks 42 283 You deserved it 7 543
Today, I had to choke back tears as my cockslap of a brother brutally mocked me for being a 25-year-old loser who's never been kissed by a girl, while at 14 he's already lost his virginity. FML I agree, your life sucks 31 222 You deserved it 4 698
Today, I was supposed to start my new job. I had forgotten I had a doctor's appointment, so I called work early and told them I wouldn't be able to start until tomorrow. My boss then terminated my employment. I got fired before I even started. FML I agree, your life sucks 13 372 You deserved it 30 686
Today, while working as a line cook, one of the servers sincerely asked me, "What sauce goes on a chicken bacon ranch sandwich?" I replied, a little incredulously I'll admit, "…Ranch." She then totally lost her cool and went full-blown adult temper tantrum because I was, "mean to her." FML I agree, your life sucks 4 721 You deserved it 407
Today, I no longer have a toaster. My younger sister put it in the bath because apparently it looked dirty. FML I agree, your life sucks 4 786 You deserved it 371
Those aren’t the droids I’m looking for.