Today, during jury duty, the shitbag who's accused of capital murder in our trial took the stand. The prosecution made him look like a total idiot. He got more and more flustered and eventually screamed at us that he'll have us killed if we find him guilty. I believe him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML
Today, I am defending a client on trial for perjury. She is a sweet girl and the first person I've loved in years, but she keeps doing everything she can to make herself look guilty in front of the jury. Now I'm having a daily crisis of conscience in the middle of the courtroom. FML
Today, I just about managed to convince the judge to overlook my client's emotional outbursts in the courtroom, promising that he'd be on his best behavior from now on. An hour later, he screamed "FUCK YOU!" at the judge for telling him to quiet down. I hate my job. FML
Today, as a public defender, my client was actually innocent for once. I intended to utterly destroy the prosecution's case and demonstrate his good character. That plan went straight to hell when he showed up heavily intoxicated. FML
Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML
Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML
Today, I read a book by a former client who did time for fraud. She swears she's innocent, and blames everyone for her "ordeal": the police, court, judge, and me, her own attorney. She conveniently forgot to mention her two full confessions, one of which was given before the judge. FML
Today, I had to help pick a jury for trial. I had to do a roll call to make sure that everyone was present. I stood up in front of a packed courtroom and said, “Okay, I’m going to do a roll call to make sure that everyone is here and pregnant.” FML
Today, my true crime addiction is so bad, when I read an FML about someone's dissociative personality disorder, I immediately thought they were lying and just preparing a good 'not guilty' defense because they planned to murder someone. FML
Today, I cannot believe my husband. All he had to do was contest a bogus parking ticket but because he's incapable of keeping his fat mouth shut, now he’s going to jail for contempt of court. He will lose his job because of this, guaranteed, and we have two kids to support. FML
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Top comments
AyeJay101 25
Was that enough to find himself guilty?
mkmon7 21
There must be a way for you to get off the case if you feel threatened...
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Comments (110)
AyeJay101 25
Was that enough to find himself guilty?
mkmon7 21
There must be a way for you to get off the case if you feel threatened...
ona16 22
I don't know about that. I know there is a jury pool like a reserve but I don't know if this qualifies. It also depends how far in they are.
hberri331 18
There is by posting this!!
BigC_from_Bama 16
Posting this would be grounds to be kicked off like the above said.
jstaines47 16
Witness protection (US marshals) or the local sheriffs (until FBI is called in only for extreme cases) will have all of the jurors under protection if they tell the judge they feel threatened. So there is no need to get off of jury duty but as mentioned above this post if found will get them a kicked off.
Destinee_1 13
Sounds like he needs to find Jesus in prison.
illegalbeagle69 23
Or a husband..
ham_spam 17
Plz don't post shit like that on here not everybody believes in God and that's just gonna piss ppl off
illegalbeagle69 23
Anybody can post anything they want..? Just because one person believes something another person totally disagrees with, doesn't mean that person can't express how they feel. And I don't know about you, but what she said didn't seem like she was pushing religion on anybody just making what seemed like a joke.
Lacalema 21
And this is how comments get closed.
rinithxxx 9
Don't make him worse than he is already!
lationas 25
Haha, this made my day, sweetie!
m9199 11
he needs Jésus
vampire623 6
why so when he gets out he can try to shove his religion down our throats
1dvos_grl3 21
Just like that crazy chick in Orange is the new Black..
beararm 11
the jesus comment gets 30 down votes and the butt rape by an inmate husband is a win. ...I pray for our generation as a whole including myself.
lil_ham1644 29
Pray all you want. Nothing's gonna happen.
Eyalsh 32
prayer is stupid because according to your beliefs god made a devine plan. what do you want god to do if you pray for something against his plan, change it?
NicholausB 15
Whoa. Seems like he is doing the mentally insane act so he doesn't have to go to jail but rather an asylum. Sorry OP. I'm sure he won't be able to get you.
FMLusername969 21
He should be put in solitary confinement immediately so he can't conspire with inmates to have anyone killed. I'm sure his list is long.
Exaspera 55
I'd say that finding him guilty and putting him away for a long time would be a good idea myself.
noobienick 19
Then maybe find him guilty so he can't do anything crazy to you?
KK3137 31
"Have" them killed means he'd hire/get someone else to do it, so whether he's locked up or not it's still a valid threat.
Pizzapiggy1 18
That's a KILLER way to end a trial
littleking94 14
Don't know why everyone thumbed this down. very punny hahaha
deathstar3548 14
Both of you, quiet.
LostInTheZone11 29
After that outburst. He's definitely going to somebody's wife in the slammer.
Drnknmonkey08 12
that's ballsy to say in open court, I'm sure that will be used against him later on in trial if he's found being mentally stable
lolhailsatan 23
I feel like "ballsy" is the wrong word, more like "goddamn crazy and stupid"
RileysMom82 4
are u supposed to be talking about the case
missambitious 21
We don't know who OP is or who the guy on trial is or where in the U.S. this case is being tried. It wasn't the best thing for OP to do since there is a huge grey area, but technically it is legal.
AwesomeAsylum 18
It's in Texas, it says it next to the FML's publishing date
gracehi 33
Ooh! Texas! They're all about capital punishment there. I guess that's why the defendant is so frightened... But I think he also just earned himself a one way ticket to Hell. Good riddance!
ironik69 31
"Most states are trying to abolish the death penalty. Here in Texas, we are putting in a drive-thru."
littleking94 14
they didn't say any names or what case...... so ya
tj4234 36
I don't think that OP is in contempt of court, they never said which case it was. You can also report court proceedings that happened on that day, but not state any previous details or which case it is (at least in the UK, not sure if that is the same for the US).
tlnorman 18
No it's not legal at all. This is illegal.