Today, another employee scolded me for being "socially awkward". The same employee who just before had a 10 minute discussion with a client about her poop. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was awkwardly taking a dump at work, when a coworker in another stall started talking shit to me about our boss. I grunted and agreed, hoping he'd shut up and leave me alone. That's when a third guy sarcastically chimed in with insults from a third stall. It was our boss. FML
Today, a client shouted at me over something that had nothing to do with me. She put such effort into shouting that she farted in my office. FML
Today, my boss pulled me aside to chastise me for being "off task" because I was chatting with a co-worker while working on a project. She then spent a half hour chatting with the same person about what daycare she should go to for her new baby. FML
Today, I was stuck with a coworker all morning while she had the "front farts." I moved to a different area after lunch, only to have another coworker start talking loudly about her boyfriend's skin tags, and how he likes to have her bite them off. I'm so disgusted but afraid to report it. FML
Today, a random customer at work admonished my coworker for being on her phone. During our lunch break. As he walked away, my coworker muttered, "What the fuck is his problem?" I nodded in agreement. He heard her and saw me nodding. As did our boss. Time to get written up. FML
Today, I yelled at one of my employees for trying to discreetly slip out of a meeting, and demanded he sit up front so I could make sure he stayed for the whole time. Three minutes later, he shat his pants. FML
Today, my boss recognized my shoes under the stall wall and had a conversation with me while we were both taking a dump. I had severe diarrhea. FML
Today, I had to go to a boring, never-ending "sensitivity training" session, all because my douchebag coworker filed a complaint against me last week after I apologized for being tardy. Apparently I was insulting people with mental disorders. Or as she put it, "differently-abled" people. FML
Today, my boss let me sit in on a board meeting. It was awesome until the guy next to me let out a vile fart, then looked at me in disgust, causing the others to look at me in disgust too. When I told my boss what really happened, he told me to grow up and stop blaming the other guy. FML
Today, I was at work at McDonald's, at the front counter when an elderly lady came up to me and whispered, "I just shit everywhere in your restroom," then turned around and walked out the door. FML
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Top comments
bellakaykid 6
What a... turd? Yeah, I suck at puns.
blink182AAR 6
Well you would be acting awkward after witnessing them talking about her own crap.
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Comments (42)
flockz 20
maybe she likes poop. he was still talking to someone and you weren't.
beatleskinks 5
But that's still so awkward O_o It was a client.. someone they barely knew! Fyl OP 0.0
GhettoXmuffin 7
So it's a boy and a girl?
StoryOfTheYear 15
Watch them next time, then you can learn to talk shit.
flockz 20
6- yes.... when is that not normal?
ohmandapants 17
Really #1? Were you there? You know that OP wasn't talking to someone? Wow, that's a treat. It's rare you get commenters besides the OP who know every detail of what was going on at the time of the FML. Don't assume, asshole.
Peach3 1
Why does someone need to be "scolded" for being socially awkward...? Would that not make it worse?
ColdplaySucks 18
Why would OP care about what her employee said? If she talks about her own shit, do you really think her opinion even matters?
shannonreneee 11
45, calm down. How was that comment even needed? Chill!
ohmandapants 17
What the ****? I have a valid point, #1 wasn't there, they don't know what OP was doing. So yeah, my comment was needed. You make it sound like I'm ******* cussing them out.
flockz 20
^what the ****? i never assumed anything. it's very unlikely that the customer wanted to talk about poop, and i understand that. i was just trying to point out that OP doesn't like it when she's called socially awkward by someone who she thinks is awkward. but her co-worker was STILL talking to someone else and OP wasn't, even though it was about poop. but it doesn't matter because the co-worker is still more social than OP was. now calm down.
ohmandapants 17
74 you obviously didn't read my comments at all. How do you know OP wasn't talking to customers? You were not there. You don't know what OP was doing, you're ASSUMING she wasn't talking to anyone. Her coworker thinking that that she is socially awkward doesn't mean anything. I'm perfectly calm. And 76 I really don't give a ****.
iRiS890 5
Honestly, are any comments ever "needed"? No? Ok, now let's get back to the important thing here. What is wrong with the coworkers poop that she is able to have such a long conversation about it? I can only ever manage a few minutes at most.
A7X_LoVeee 10
Mandapants is raging! Watch out!
Jovecove 13
Watch out everyone, we got a badass over here.
StoryOfTheYear 15
78- When someone uses caps lock to prove a point they are usually not perfectly calm. If you really were calm, warn me when you get pissed so I can run away from your general direction very, very fast.
koolkat27 13
74- your a moron. being socially awkward doesnt always mean that you simply don't talk. it means that you do talk, but only make awkward conversation with people. hence the name socially "awkward".
Reyo 2
I hope you gracefully reminded her of the scintillating conversation she just had on her defecation.
Phil135 4
I can't believe your comment got only 8 likes! Haha you funny ************! xD
Rickilynn1 10
I like the fact your profile picture is of poop.
bellakaykid 6
What a... turd? Yeah, I suck at puns.
CuteDumBlonde64 11
Hey baby, at least you tried :)
lifesucks1234567_fml 2
OP that bitch is a shit head.... I would have scolded at her louder.
lifesucks1234567_fml 2
Damn autocorrect
death_dolphin24 0
Looks like you guys are in a sgitty situation
THE_A_TEEN 28
^^ HAHA, yes. A simple letter kept me from shooting at you. Don't post that pun again, or else i'll find you...
ewputthataway 0
I just want to know what sgitty means.
Jibblets2367 7
"Today I found out that poop is more interesting than I am. FML"
Jibblets2367 7
"Today, I found out that poop is more interesting than I am. FML"
death_dolphin24 0
Edit: I had a sense of reason and deleted my comment
death_dolphin24 0
**** my slow loading iPhone
sr101998 0
It was an old FML
koolkat27 13
21- in your profile pic, what are you touching? I'm not trying to be rude but.. is it a back? or a neck perhaps? sorry I'm just curious lol
blink182AAR 6
Well you would be acting awkward after witnessing them talking about her own crap.
iRiS890 5
Is it more awkward to talk about your own poop, than someone else's?
ObsessedWithGays 7
I don't think a socially awkward person would talk about their shit, where as a really outgoing person would. Socially awkward people, like myself, are more like " Oh hey. I like your pants. Oh you aren't wearing pants? Lol oh. Maybe you should put some pants on. Jk. Don't. Pls. You have nice legs. Jk. Sorry. I'm not sorry."
fmlallthetyme 23
That isn't normal? Woops. I wish someone had told me that earlier....
nofearjenshere 12
"Yeah I just dont know why its been so runny lately, I think I've been eating too much Mexican food"
drealmorales 2
That must have been an awkward situation!
DKParth13 5
No.
cheefer 0
I pulled a gun on my dad because I thought he was a burglar. He was drunk and try to shit in my restroom.
deviable 9
Well talking about poop is a great way to break the ice.
cosmosis 12
In what country??
deviable 9
My imaginary one, population: me. :(
Jovecove 13
Me gusta, your world! I wanna join!
juicycutora 0
Count me in to the club
kdahrouj 6
Start talking about your poop to clients
GhettoXmuffin 7
She must love to talk shit!
THE_A_TEEN 28
I think this is how that conversation went. Employee: Yea, my poo is usually in the form of hard logs, only yesterday it came out in a squirting, liquid like state. A few days ago, it was green. Wierd. Oh, and 2 weeks ago my poo came out bloody red. I really should see a doctor, or stop eating hot cheetos. Client: uuuhhh-huh? (backs away slowly)
moop256 10
I hear u dont like bad gramer and spelling airs
THE_A_TEEN 28
I heard you like to intentionally misspelling words to piss of Grammar Nazi's.
moop256 10
Well dont hate me I barely speak English
Nutty4Muffs 3
Must... resist... correcting... Nnnng
moop256 10
Good sir this dispute is between myself and this fine young gentleman and I think it would be best if you shut up
THE_A_TEEN 28
This dispute is officially over. Begone, mate.
moop256 10
Hey buddy don't go calling me your mate, Mabye we may be aquantces and fellow debate mates but nothing more right now... Good day mate
yahoowizard 16
Yeah, come on, he barely speaks English. You know that as he apparently doesn't know how to use "fluent" in his profile info thing
metalsmith 0
In what way do you believe he used the word fluent incorrectly?
metalsmith 0
Or "she", as the case may be
Jibblets2367 7
Lmao "THE_A_TEEN" I think I love you
moop256 10
It creepy how you stalk my profile