Today, one of the human turds that I stupidly added on Facebook posted how terrible her life is after her dad refused to arrange yet another holiday for her this year, so I bitched her out for being such a spoiled little brat. A few hours later, her boyfriend came over and beat the shit out of me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend started insulting me on Facebook. Angry and hurt, I let it all out and insulted her back with her obesity. Turns out it was her brother who used her account to play a "prank" on me. FML
Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML
Today, I posted on my Facebook wall that I'd gotten into a huge bar fight and had the shit kicked out of me, all to avoid having to tell the truth, namely that I'd stayed home all night because nobody invited me out to party. FML
Today, I bitched out my boyfriend for logging into my facebook account and deleting EVERY male (even family) off my friends list. He accused me of wanting to cheat on him and has forced me to say "sorry." FML
Today, my scumbag son slapped his girlfriend in front of her family, and her dad picked him up and threw him off a second floor balcony. Good for her dad, he deserved it, but now he's laid up at my place and I have to wipe his ass and listen to him whine. FML
Today, my now ex-girlfriend posted on Facebook that I called her a "fucking bitch". Our mutual friends were all outraged, and demanded that I treat her with respect. What she failed to mention was that I said it after finding out that she's been sleeping with my "best friend" for the past year. FML
Today, I posted a picture of me without makeup on Facebook. A "friend" commented, "fuk me thts hideus!!" My dad replied, "Hideous, yes, just like your godawful spelling!" My mom yelled at my dad for agreeing with the guy, and they're still fighting. Meanwhile, my self-esteem is in the gutter. FML
Today, my mom made a Facebook status about me: "My daughter is on her rags and won't shut the fuck up #annoyingbitch". FML
Today, on our anniversary, my sister bitched me out and made a passive aggressive Facebook post on our page, all because my fiancé didn't want to clean her cat puke on the floor downstairs when she was literally right next to it. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend's mother tagged at a restaurant, the same one I had suggested we try earlier in the week. At the time, she quickly shut me down because "that place sounds terrible". I guess she forgot that she finally added me on Facebook. FML
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Top comments
myth454 2
Assault?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Why didn't you just delete her? I realize how annoying some people can be, but the better thing to do is just delete and ignore...
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Comments (350)
myth454 2
Assault?
awsetdvcshjkgss 1
Just delete them no need to make comments when you don't care
miniluda12 12
Sorry, OP, I'd say YDI
SenselessPattern 12
Actions speak louder than words, but this is just ridiculous. Though he has a point. OP, the police exist in many countries for a reason other than donut control.
icrest80 4
If you stupidly added her, then why didn't you fix the stupidity and delete her? You even admitted it was your fault ydi
gianthelper 1
Do i sense assault chrages?
kyarush 10
The best part is that if he comes on your property with intent to do bodily harm you can kill him :D
biggestfan23 11
Before OP opened the door he should've called for backup... Rookie mistake but you live and you learn
MoodyBlue320 11
That sucks, op.
Calyx_fml 22
Definitely press charges.
RetardedPotato 6
@31: There's a button for that.
doctorhook86 25
OP deserves a pass on this one; he was only saying what we all want to sometimes. Furthermore, the reaction of the dumb bitch's BF was disproportionate--that's the guy who really deserves our harsh Internet judgement
doctorhook86 25
OP deserves a pass on this one; he was only saying what we all want to sometimes. Furthermore, the reaction of the dumb bitch's BF was disproportionate--that's the guy who really deserves our harsh Internet judgement
Zimmington 21
Should've just 'unfriended' her. Would've saved yourself some time & some pain...
HollyDolly660 8
38 - Donut control... I laughed so hard
gottalovecondoms 0
Hes obviously a pussy that hides behind a computer all day on Facebook.
cartooncharacter 9
Anyone else wonder if her bf gets on this and reads it and beats the sh*t out of op again?!?! Just wondering. Lol! Would be HILARIOUS if that happened again! Right?
SobrietyKills 14
I think it would be battery. Assault (from what I learned) was the threat of physical harm while battery is the hitting part.
sens3sfailing 25
You sound like a hypocrite who sites behind their iPod and reads and comments on fml all day. Just saying, no need for the name calling.
myth454 2
214. It would probably be both battery and aggravated assault.. Either way the boyfriend loses if OP presses charges.
Meettitan 14
Like 231 said --I don't know about other states --but in Florida I think that would be battery, not assault.
3yellowzebras 19
Not in the UK he can't @60
Axipiter 24
Aren't batteries the things in electronic devices that make my tongue all tingly when I lick them?
onlychildFTW 34
Yeah, assault charges is the best revenge I believe personally.
galacticstorm 6
My question is,how did the boyfriend know where op lives in the first place?
guy24 9
And battery
LolFMLnot 10
279 some people put too much information on facebook about themselves. You can find where they live easily. Maybe OP is one of those people or the boyfriend just asked one of his friends on facebook.
SpaceCadet87 0
I agree he could have just added her at al and fixed the problem, but to say he deserves to get beaten up because she didn't like his comment? No. Wait, are you that spoiled bitch? Lol.
SpaceCadet87 0
226. Coming from someone who wouldn't know manners if it fell on his face and wiggled.
aperfectxdeath 3
Assault and battery maybe? Either way long story short her bf is going to jail if he presses charges, which I would. I hope he gets shanked.
a7x451 0
256 That's because the UK is full of *******.
omgwtfbbq69 5
next time don't open the door and call the police(:
Bpwoods 6
262 - I'm extremely tempted to try licking a battery now...
LMxDelta38 14
Ok for the record you can be charged for more then one thing. Think of battery as a completed assault. Therefore someone can be charged with battery AND assault.
thatsexychiq 6
What the ****.
ahhhlogin 1
Your a guy right ?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
It's clearly indicated that OP is in fact male. Why?
siickman 7
1. It says the gender of OP 2. You're*
NashyzzleTheN 10
Umm no shit?
XxDevilxXGt 26
In fact, OP is a turtle. You learn something new everyday.
coughyochick 7
You're*
matthew3 2
You're an illiterate moron? Right?
Michael_92 20
I thought the little sign that said guy kinda gave it away.
kofeinisti 6
FML's mobile site doesn't have the icons. I can't even see OP's user name.
LightningCactus 12
Then you must be using an older version, I can see the sign that indicates male and the name is "Anonymous".
kofeinisti 6
I'm viewing the m.fmylife.com site, so the "version" should not be the issue. Maybe it's the browser I'm using. Anyway, my point was - it's possible not to see the gender of the OP.
arduousRainbow 1
Negative, he is a meat popsicle.
onlychildFTW 34
Why does gender even matter? Wether boy or girl assault is still assault. OP, why add human turds to your friends then? I don't, I find they stink up my wall with useless crap.
urnext123 1
Yes it does im using mobile and infact it does have it
Autobot93 10
122 and 257- you're both wrong..... he's a lamp.
jake12221212121 4
If you can't see the icons get the app dumbass. And yes it is on Android as well. And may I add that is a free app.
0ops_i_died 8
I love lamp
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Some people get on FML with older phones, guys. Not everybody has an iPod, iPhone, android or other device that is up to date.
kofeinisti 6
Dumbass, I don't want the app. I don't need to see the gender, I don't really care which sex OP is.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Why didn't you just delete her? I realize how annoying some people can be, but the better thing to do is just delete and ignore...
924halle 8
Haha yea, but I'm sure it was tempting...
mduffy08 8
Eh... Though some people should be put in their place. The universe balances itself.
mduffy08 8
Wow I completely ****** up that statement. What I mean is she deserved it, but it probably wasn't OP's place to do it.
Dr0reos 8
Still worth it OP. You're doing gods work*salutes*
Zimmington 21
*Note to self* Before 'putting a girl in her place' make sure I can beat up her boyfriend.
ImaginaryFoe 1
Granted some people need to be put in their places but OP didn't accomplish that. If the girl is a spoilt brat, that certainly won't change because of one rude fb comment. OP, you didn't deserve to be assaulted and I do hope you pressed charges. Maybe next time keep your unsolicited opinions to yourself (or in the comments of FML). And everyone, stop being "friends" with people you don't like! Why do people invite the worst part of socialising into their social networks?
truthbringer007 6
162- AMEN!!!
epic13 12
Delete and ignore is like seeing a bomb at an airport and not telling anyone.
dreadedguardian 5
Yeah, that's the spirit, ignore it and the problem will go away. People like you are the problem with this world.
galacticstorm 6
162 I'm sure the saying "keep your friends close and enemies closer" is a reason we add the people that we do.
ThexVengence 21
Wow. I don't know if it's stupid o completely true
misspulkadot24 17
Well, you spoke the truth, especially titling her "human turd".
klovely22 13
Doesn't make it ok. If he was annoyed, he should have blocked her. Simple as that.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
I'm sort of in the middle on this one. First off you shouldn't instigate something like that. Even still if you decide to do what the OP did you really oughta think of what could happen. Though it was most likely out of impulse.
AClassActx3 7
Some people NEED the truth. All though I'm against voicing opinions without asked nowadays, I feel that the actions were not equal. Assault for his opinion? Why didnt she just delete the comment and him? Both sides are somewhat at fault but she took the cake!
AlexaWuzHere 31
Come on people, let's be honest here. We all know there's that one person on Facebook you REALLY want to tell off. The difference is how you handle it. There's been cases where I delete people, and cases where I said something about it.
jweezy89 4
You should never try to "put someone in their place" for what they write on their wall. Yeah those people are annoying but you also look like a douche who can't mind your own business. This problem would have easily been solved with the proper application of the unfriend or unsubscribe buttons.
Jaxx66 21
I don't agree with OP 'minding his own business'.. It's Facebook, if you post it then it becomes everyone's business. BUUUT, I do think he should have handled it better... Delete, ignore...
truthbringer007 6
If she puts her "problems" on FB she is subjecting herself to everyone's opinions.
misspulkadot24 17
I have hit the delete button on many a snob. But some of them you are sick of hearing how hard their life is because their salon lady was busy that week or their personal maid stole a Jolly Rancher. Or your sick of seeing all of their "YOLO" statuses and a profile picture adorning a duck face. You want to tell them off!
BouyantDuckie 0
ew take off that ugly a$$ profile pic
AMCJEEP 10
Go get a crowbar and break his knee. **** him
42istheanswer 27
Half-life style :)
SqueakyChipmunk 22
No! Kick him in the nuts with steel toed cleats and dye his girlfriend's hair green! Mwahaha!
MrSassypants 34
Get a crowbar, break his knee, and then **** them? I think you're trying to punish them, not treat them.
IceCreamMage 17
Tire iron, steel pipe, crowbar. All of those are effective. Her boyfriend deserves a good beat down.
NOOBSQUAD 0
Or push him down some stone or concrete steps
flockz 20
or throw some gummy bears at him. Thug Life.
numbersystem 4
Hug Life
FlavorlessPie 7
Sounds kinky
jweezy89 4
Has anyone considered how ****** op will be when the bf returns with a gun? This kid should take his ass kicking and move on. He doesn't sound like the type who could handle escalation.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I'm so gangster, I throw skittles and peanuts at people. Trail mix, bitches! 52) He meant to say "**** him with a metal rod covered in sandpaper".
saintsrocksocks 10
Or you could tie him to a chair and make him listen to boy bands and Justin Bieber. The worst punishment of all.
cartooncharacter 9
146- so Flucking true.
AwsumShyGuy 12
save humanity from an alien race and NEVER TALK AGAIN
amandajlucas2015 2
Lol all of these are hilarious and making may day thank u all
saintsrocksocks 10
Squeaky that's the worst punishment of all. Don't even say that.
eklipze 0
Haha op sounds like someone who should just man up and take the beating.... And get some sort of self defence course asap.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
153) Flucking? :D 183) What? Steal toe boots to the nuts, green hair or throwing trail mix?
saintsrocksocks 10
The sand paper. That stuff scares me the **** out.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
...it scares you out?
saintsrocksocks 10
It makes as much sense as freaks me out.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Not really. But then again, I'm just a chipmunk.
saintsrocksocks 10
Wait what is happening in your profile picture? I've always thought the chipmunk was about to be doused in helium.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
The chipmunk is about to smoke. What exactly he's smoking, is yet to be known.
saintsrocksocks 10
Chipmunk forgive me for asking twice. I Didn't make out the lighter, I thought it was a handle connected to the pipe.
cartooncharacter 9
191, trying to reduce the frequency of explicative words, so buzz off.
klinkingg 0
You shoud've kept your mouth shut, but i woud've done the same if i was in your position. 50% FYL 50% YDI
chellyX92 8
Don't give advice you know you wouldn't follow.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
But is there anything wrong with being spoiled? I'm very spoiled, yes. My parents pamper me and give me a lot of nice things. Yes, they spoil me, but I'm grateful for every bit of it.
Luunatic 13
Well, at least you're not complaining. It's nice to be thankful.
greenie213 23
Karma's a fat bloated bitch to you isn't it.
the_anti_hipster 7
Kind of like a Kardashian! Except karma probably has less venereal diseases.
pexy_fml 16
That is not karma that is stupidity for having the home address posted on Facebook
saintsrocksocks 10
139- You do realize he may not of gotten his address off Facebook right.
saintsrocksocks 10
Plus I didn't even know there are people stupid enough to do that?
omniaki78 4
That's why you don't answer the door and continue only staying on the Internet. Or filter your Facebook friends a little more wisely. Or silently laugh at them and they will never know.
ittybitttyme 8
Autumn? Heyyy! It's Lauren!
bTOhno 3
What I want to know is why the hell would you answer the door to an obviously angered man who you know is the girls boyfriend?
xxmollyxx 25
Time to de-friend the human turd.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Don't forget to flush.
Blackmail111 9
And wipe!
cartooncharacter 9
Here's your polished "human turd" for the evening. Be sure to wipe your cheeks and flush the porcelain throne.
saintsrocksocks 10
Squeaky in you profile pic, what is happening to the chipmunk. It looks as if you're either dosing it in helium or about to turn on a water spout?
SqueakyChipmunk 22
That's a pipe, bro. I was gonna build a hut, but I got high I was gonna store some nuts, but then I got high I'm gonna starve to death next winter, and I know why, Because, cause I got high, because I got high, cause I got high.