Today, one of the human turds that I stupidly added on Facebook posted how terrible her life is after her dad refused to arrange yet another holiday for her this year, so I bitched her out for being such a spoiled little brat. A few hours later, her boyfriend came over and beat the shit out of me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend started insulting me on Facebook. Angry and hurt, I let it all out and insulted her back with her obesity. Turns out it was her brother who used her account to play a "prank" on me. FML
Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML
Today, I posted on my Facebook wall that I'd gotten into a huge bar fight and had the shit kicked out of me, all to avoid having to tell the truth, namely that I'd stayed home all night because nobody invited me out to party. FML
Today, I bitched out my boyfriend for logging into my facebook account and deleting EVERY male (even family) off my friends list. He accused me of wanting to cheat on him and has forced me to say "sorry." FML
Today, my scumbag son slapped his girlfriend in front of her family, and her dad picked him up and threw him off a second floor balcony. Good for her dad, he deserved it, but now he's laid up at my place and I have to wipe his ass and listen to him whine. FML
Today, my now ex-girlfriend posted on Facebook that I called her a "fucking bitch". Our mutual friends were all outraged, and demanded that I treat her with respect. What she failed to mention was that I said it after finding out that she's been sleeping with my "best friend" for the past year. FML
Today, I posted a picture of me without makeup on Facebook. A "friend" commented, "fuk me thts hideus!!" My dad replied, "Hideous, yes, just like your godawful spelling!" My mom yelled at my dad for agreeing with the guy, and they're still fighting. Meanwhile, my self-esteem is in the gutter. FML
Today, my mom made a Facebook status about me: "My daughter is on her rags and won't shut the fuck up #annoyingbitch". FML
Today, on our anniversary, my sister bitched me out and made a passive aggressive Facebook post on our page, all because my fiancé didn't want to clean her cat puke on the floor downstairs when she was literally right next to it. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend's mother tagged at a restaurant, the same one I had suggested we try earlier in the week. At the time, she quickly shut me down because "that place sounds terrible". I guess she forgot that she finally added me on Facebook. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
myth454 2
Assault?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Why didn't you just delete her? I realize how annoying some people can be, but the better thing to do is just delete and ignore...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (350)
garof 1
That's the funniest thing I've ever heard
Obvious8 3
Don't get mad. Get even. Also, maybe you shouldn't post your address.
chinagirl3343 8
Press charges against him.
the_true_batman 10
Now get revenge on both of them with a baseball bat. Problem solved.
AwsumShyGuy 12
To all the people saying that OP shouldn't have stated his opinion, first amendment, deal with it.
CoffeeChickBlows 13
WTF are you talking about? It wasn't political speech and the govt. isn't involved in the FB drama, so what the **** does the 1st Amendment have to do with anything? And OP lives in the UK, anyway. Their freedom of speech doesn't come from our constitution and you're just making all Americans look like arrogant shitheads. Thanks, buddy. Thanks.
AwsumShyGuy 12
What I'm saying is that OP has whatever natural right to talk trash to that dumb blonde, not like speak out against the government. Anyways, I apologize that I didn't notice about the location of OP, or if I sound like I was trying to force down American government down people's throats.
CheshireHalli 19
First amendment doesn't let you say whatever you want to anybody. It mostly covers speaking out about the government. I'm sure that somebody else will come along and completely inform you. But no, it definitely does not protect "trash talking some blonde."
Slender_Man 6
I have this same problem (except the assault part) so, I just choose not to use Facebook anymore.
PandaSpots 10
What was the point of you bitching at her. You were thinking the wrong way. You could have waisted less of your time by just deleting or just ignoring her. Why do you care that she's a spoiled brat? You deserved that one, op.
Tempest559 12
Facebook sucks anyway, stick to fml's and life will be good.
iKendall 3
Don't get your hands dirty have a gay guy beat him up, the gays are crazy :"]
Legendoflaw 4
Someone comes to my house to "kick my ass", if they can do it, so be it. But I'm coming back for revenge. I don't care who the hell you are.