Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML
Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML
Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML
Today, I woke up early and made my boyfriend french toast. When he woke up, he yelled at me because it was his dish day and I was creating more dishes for him to do. He made me do the dishes. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were eating ice cream, he put his arm around me and began leaning in for what I thought was a kiss. Instead, he grabbed and began jiggling my stomach fat, along with making raspberry sounds. Once he was done, he did the same to my thighs. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 5 years thought it would be funny to squat above my head completely naked while I was sleeping. When I woke up, his asshole and ball sack was in my face. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he started shaking really hard. When I asked him what he was doing, he simply said, "I want to be better than your vibrator!" FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
I hope you scrambled his eggs with a sharp scrotal slap.
gusgus36 5
haha whatever, he's just kidding around... you can't use the word "sausage" with a guy and expect them to not say something like that lol
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Comments (192)
Rick1969 6
He sounds like an idiot.
notsoluckypup 12
pervert boyfriend FTW... -.-
RedPillSucks 33
Tell him you don't want runny eggs and half a hotdog. You want your sausage dark and plump, with large solid eggs.
Rick1969 6
Should have told him that he would have trouble satisfying a dieting Supermodel with that breakfast.
rave_noises 0
She deserves it! She must spend hours and hours taking pictures of herself. It's hard to maintain that kind of ego.
JohnFR33M4N 0
Shoulda said "I prefer bratwurscht" and punched him in the dick.
5t3ff1k4h 47
Does everyone equate to one person? So the rest of the FML community ceased to exist and are now nothing?
golfchick84 0
how sweet:) breakfast in bed
Autoshot 9
**submits vote for best pic ever**
nerdsgetmehot 23
#120 Creeper.
rogerover 19
Wait a minute. She puts a picture of large boobs in a sexy bra and HE'S a creeper for noticing and commenting that he likes the picture?! It was just a compliment. Harmless...
nerdsgetmehot 23
#160 I never said that she wasn't also to blame for putting the picture up. I definitely disapprove of that as well...
CoachLlama 5
Nerds! shhhhhh. Just this time ok?
nerdsgetmehot 23
#165 Why?
5t3ff1k4h 47
Nerds is right. It's an inappropriate picture, especially for such a public forum. He's also a creeper for liking the picture due to the fact it's a pic of giant ****. Besides, they look fake. If you're going to vote for "Best Picture", at least make sure they aren't cheating.
Shanetacular 0
AHAHAHA lololololololololololol
NadoLuardric 0
Well, he asked first so... OP YDI