Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML
Let's get it on
Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML
Waste of time
Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML
Access denied
Today, my wife spent all day texting me dirty things so I used some of my holiday hours to come home 3 hours early for some sexy time. During my drive home she got in a bad mood, and no longer wanted sex. FML
Needy
Today, my wife asked why I was so grumpy. I admitted that I was horny and sexually frustrated. She went on an hour long tirade about how I "shouldn't need sex to not be a jerk" and how I need to handle my own needs. FML
Wait
Today my wife told me she really wanted to have sex, and to wait in bed while she got ready. Turns out get ready means do the dishes, feed the dogs, clean the cat's litter tray, phone her sister, make coffee, shower, and wait for the dryer to dry her pyjamas. By the time she got in bed, I'd fallen asleep. FML
Caught in 4K
Today, I got off early from work to catch my wife screwing her co-worker in our bed. I ask her what I did to deserve this. She told me she was “lonely” and that he “always makes her feel like a woman,” unlike me. She would come home from work and I would initiate intimacy, but she would decline every time. FML
In the mood
Today, I rushed home because my wife called to let me know she was feeling horny for the first time after getting over a bad flu. I walked in the door and surprise surprise, her sister had called round, wanting sympathy after her latest fuckbuddy dumped her. Romantic mood ruined. FML
The truth
Today, my wife came home from work early and told me she'd been fired. She was really upset so I told her how much she means to me and how much I love her to help cheer her up. She then told me she was caught getting it on with another employee. FML
Replaced by a clanker
Today, for the third time this week, I came home to my wife asleep in bed, her pants down, and her vibrator in her hand. She keeps refusing sex because she "isn't in the mood" and insists there's nothing wrong. To rub salt in the wound, I bought her the vibrator as a gift, hoping to spice things up. FML
Top comments
snakeonthesun 0
that's why she said she was horny! To get you in the mood. was that not enough?
goonie85 0
"Um, you need to get me in the mood." Isn't that something a woman says? Pull out your tampon and **** that woman stupid.
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Comments (116)
Marv21 0
Is she wants it she should take it I think it's good when a girl takes control not just waits for the guy to make the move makes it more fun ha and btw melly gotta say damn lookin good
danzer827 0
dumb ass. she wanted us to take the lead. seriously, you didn't get that? Maybe she'll be smart enough to get her needs met elsewhere since our a little dense.
aardvarkish 17
Dolt
Nakedsquirrel 5
WTF? Hearing that, I would have jumped up and carried her into the bedroom. That's more than enough to make a dude instantly hard. What a boring person you must be if you can't even maintain a sex life where the woman is trying to initiate it. She probably regrets marrying you.
shy_shy 0
you are an idiot.... no wonder she just left..
okieraider71 4
OP-- You are such a loser. I hope she finds someone at her work who does not need to be "worked up". This is a FML BECAUSE OF YOU! No wonder women turn to other women.
withasmile 3
if you try not to get defensive, and listen to what people are saying, you might learn something. Your wife was saying 'love me, show some interest in me' on a very basic level and you said 'no.' That's rejecting her - and it will have an opposite effect - she'll be less inclined to approach you next time and even less likely to put 'some effort into it'. She'll be afraid to reach out to you. The fact that it's been 2 weeks says a lot anyway. My guess is your relationship has become more about problems than fun. especially given your f/u post. For the sake of both of you, you need to turn things around. I know what I'm talking about, been there, done that. One person has to step up and be positive and create the relationship they want. You want different, be different. Come home with a toy and try it out as Soon as you get home. Make out with your wife just because, touch her all the time, whether you have sex or not. I guarantee she will do the same. And don't be critical, make suggestions. if she loves you, she will respond. it might take some time, but it will be worth it, promise Otherwise, I do think she might go elsewhere. And it might sound better, now, but I know a lot of divorced Dads that miss being married, believe it or not. One other thing, maybe talk to your doctor? You sound depressed.
tboudre 0
are we married to the same woman?
lendahandmanda 0
I HATED when my ex boyfriend did that, it really doesn't make us women feel very sexual when we say what we want and then get an "I'm not horny, but I could be!" IMO OP, you hell deserved that. You expect us to be ready when you are, so do something about it yourself. I would HOPE that the thought of having sex with your wife would do it for you, but I guess not
Monikabug 9
^Couldn't agree more! :)
BeyondUno 0
wow ydi for not taking the chance while she was horny. i mean if my gf told me she was horny i would'nt hesitate to make a move lol.regardless if you're not in the mood at the end of the day you're a happy man:)