Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML
Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML
Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML
Today, my wife spent all day texting me dirty things so I used some of my holiday hours to come home 3 hours early for some sexy time. During my drive home she got in a bad mood, and no longer wanted sex. FML
Today, my wife asked why I was so grumpy. I admitted that I was horny and sexually frustrated. She went on an hour long tirade about how I "shouldn't need sex to not be a jerk" and how I need to handle my own needs. FML
Today my wife told me she really wanted to have sex, and to wait in bed while she got ready. Turns out get ready means do the dishes, feed the dogs, clean the cat's litter tray, phone her sister, make coffee, shower, and wait for the dryer to dry her pyjamas. By the time she got in bed, I'd fallen asleep. FML
Today, I got off early from work to catch my wife screwing her co-worker in our bed. I ask her what I did to deserve this. She told me she was “lonely” and that he “always makes her feel like a woman,” unlike me. She would come home from work and I would initiate intimacy, but she would decline every time. FML
Today, I rushed home because my wife called to let me know she was feeling horny for the first time after getting over a bad flu. I walked in the door and surprise surprise, her sister had called round, wanting sympathy after her latest fuckbuddy dumped her. Romantic mood ruined. FML
Today, my wife came home from work early and told me she'd been fired. She was really upset so I told her how much she means to me and how much I love her to help cheer her up. She then told me she was caught getting it on with another employee. FML
Today, for the third time this week, I came home to my wife asleep in bed, her pants down, and her vibrator in her hand. She keeps refusing sex because she "isn't in the mood" and insists there's nothing wrong. To rub salt in the wound, I bought her the vibrator as a gift, hoping to spice things up. FML
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Top comments
snakeonthesun 0
that's why she said she was horny! To get you in the mood. was that not enough?
goonie85 0
"Um, you need to get me in the mood." Isn't that something a woman says? Pull out your tampon and **** that woman stupid.
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Comments (116)
f4everenergy 0
stupid. just carry her into the room and do it la!! i bet ur just one coward who have no balls to initiate sex
sparky831 0
how can u not b horny after two weeks with no sex! shame on you
Donnyk 0
you're an idiot dude. girls are the ones that need to get in the mood. man the **** up. unless you've both let yourselves go and are ugly nasty fat ***** you've got no excuse. whip out your huge **** and **** her brains out
jcricket 0
he is completely right. how many times when you've been horny have you been selfless n got her in the mood?? yeah probably not often so don't expect her to suck you happy. for your wife's sake I hope she finds someone who will jump on the chance to please her. you MEGA FAIL!! you're lucky she didn't kick you ass because I definitely would have.
ninba20 0
ydi for being a dumb ass and not have sex with her after u two havent done it over 2 weeks...
Paradoodle 5
that's when you start foreplay stupid, if she's horny she's probably gonna make sure you are gonna be too, if you get what I'm saying. you don't tell anyone to get you in the mood, (you can but it depends on how you say it) you usually just go for it.
Danielt104 6
Yeah, he's a jerk for not being in the mood. He couldn't help it
LittleMissNaught 0
I'm sorry, but you seriously need to wise up! You insulted her, are keeping her short of sex and clearly missing all the signs! Work it out before she becomes someone else's workout!!
brownlace 0
ugh! F both of your lives for that fail ass communication.
Donandino 0
Since when do guys need to be in a "mood?"
FAM_fml 0
If you give this same senario to a 18 year old he slams on her for about tweenty minutes and is happy as a free dog. after dating several women in the attempt to find my wife, seeing the darn thing bleed, having daughters, seeing my dog bleed the same way. Did I mention seeing a child slide out... Can't say it looks the same anymore. I understand how you feel my wife expects me to jump through the window when she says im in the mood. Hmmm sitting here thinking about keeping the roof over our heads and how much I hate my job. Darn it i just wasn't thinking about having sex right now. Try not asying im in the mood instead make a move. Im sure the idea will Pop into my head. Lawn mower might need to be primed but be assured the grass gets cut.
WithoutDoubt27 0
hey morons... "do something to get me in the mood" is code for "put it in your mouth." girls think the longer you're in a relationship, the less you have to suck your man. ask Hillary, about that shit. he's not worried about the two weeks. that's what he pays a secretary for...