Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML
Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML
Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML
Today, my wife spent all day texting me dirty things so I used some of my holiday hours to come home 3 hours early for some sexy time. During my drive home she got in a bad mood, and no longer wanted sex. FML
Today, my wife asked why I was so grumpy. I admitted that I was horny and sexually frustrated. She went on an hour long tirade about how I "shouldn't need sex to not be a jerk" and how I need to handle my own needs. FML
Today my wife told me she really wanted to have sex, and to wait in bed while she got ready. Turns out get ready means do the dishes, feed the dogs, clean the cat's litter tray, phone her sister, make coffee, shower, and wait for the dryer to dry her pyjamas. By the time she got in bed, I'd fallen asleep. FML
Today, I got off early from work to catch my wife screwing her co-worker in our bed. I ask her what I did to deserve this. She told me she was “lonely” and that he “always makes her feel like a woman,” unlike me. She would come home from work and I would initiate intimacy, but she would decline every time. FML
Today, I rushed home because my wife called to let me know she was feeling horny for the first time after getting over a bad flu. I walked in the door and surprise surprise, her sister had called round, wanting sympathy after her latest fuckbuddy dumped her. Romantic mood ruined. FML
Today, my wife came home from work early and told me she'd been fired. She was really upset so I told her how much she means to me and how much I love her to help cheer her up. She then told me she was caught getting it on with another employee. FML
Today, for the third time this week, I came home to my wife asleep in bed, her pants down, and her vibrator in her hand. She keeps refusing sex because she "isn't in the mood" and insists there's nothing wrong. To rub salt in the wound, I bought her the vibrator as a gift, hoping to spice things up. FML
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Top comments
snakeonthesun 0
that's why she said she was horny! To get you in the mood. was that not enough?
goonie85 0
"Um, you need to get me in the mood." Isn't that something a woman says? Pull out your tampon and **** that woman stupid.
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Comments (116)
danieltyler11 0
lazy spoiled women don't wanna make an effort for anything, even for a playful request
melainie 0
#74 that's a turn on... you seem like a man who would realy love a woman 110%
GRyphonLJJ 0
So...The question becomes what is it he, the OP, wants her to do to turn him on? I get the feeling from her reaction just rubbing up on him and talking naughty was not going to get things started. For all anyone knows he has some "special" request that makes it not worth the effort. Not to mention there was a time constraint or she wouldn't have started getting ready for work. Don't know about you; but I don't have time to pull out the blue plushie panda suit and sing show tunes just to get a morning quickie on days I work. Color me thankful my man has an easy to crank motor. No plushie panda suits or show tunes required: Just an inviting smile and/or a couple of softly whispered words.
dramatimes10 0
#82 are u serious?
Redders123 1
WHAT A BITCH!!!!
nessalujin 0
You are lame! When guys do that to us girls, we take it offensive as of we aren't doing enough and it can really be a put down. My conclusion is either you like **** or you just can't get it up.
perdix 31
If her job is a ***** or a stripper, then she is doing something to get you in the mood by getting ready for work ;)
jigjigadyjig 0
She's going to cheat on you with a colleague.
WhtRabbid 2
I've been married for several years. "I'm horny" IS enough 99% of the time. If you haven't had sex for 2 weeks, and you are not horny when your wife clearly tells you she wants sex... IDK, I sense problems. Women (even married ones) don't typically like to feel like they have to work to turn a guy on after they bluntly tell him they want sex. "I'm horny" before work implies a quickie, not an hour-long love-making session preceded by a *******.
etherealshadows 1
Dude, if you feel that way, you should have the balls to leave her to find someone who excites you. If you don't really feel that way, nor do you feel that any woman could excite you, you really need to re-evaluate your life.