Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML
Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML
Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML
Today, my wife spent all day texting me dirty things so I used some of my holiday hours to come home 3 hours early for some sexy time. During my drive home she got in a bad mood, and no longer wanted sex. FML
Today, my wife asked why I was so grumpy. I admitted that I was horny and sexually frustrated. She went on an hour long tirade about how I "shouldn't need sex to not be a jerk" and how I need to handle my own needs. FML
Today my wife told me she really wanted to have sex, and to wait in bed while she got ready. Turns out get ready means do the dishes, feed the dogs, clean the cat's litter tray, phone her sister, make coffee, shower, and wait for the dryer to dry her pyjamas. By the time she got in bed, I'd fallen asleep. FML
Today, I got off early from work to catch my wife screwing her co-worker in our bed. I ask her what I did to deserve this. She told me she was “lonely” and that he “always makes her feel like a woman,” unlike me. She would come home from work and I would initiate intimacy, but she would decline every time. FML
Today, I rushed home because my wife called to let me know she was feeling horny for the first time after getting over a bad flu. I walked in the door and surprise surprise, her sister had called round, wanting sympathy after her latest fuckbuddy dumped her. Romantic mood ruined. FML
Today, my wife came home from work early and told me she'd been fired. She was really upset so I told her how much she means to me and how much I love her to help cheer her up. She then told me she was caught getting it on with another employee. FML
Today, for the third time this week, I came home to my wife asleep in bed, her pants down, and her vibrator in her hand. She keeps refusing sex because she "isn't in the mood" and insists there's nothing wrong. To rub salt in the wound, I bought her the vibrator as a gift, hoping to spice things up. FML
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Top comments
snakeonthesun 0
that's why she said she was horny! To get you in the mood. was that not enough?
goonie85 0
"Um, you need to get me in the mood." Isn't that something a woman says? Pull out your tampon and **** that woman stupid.
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Comments (116)
LynzCatastrophe 0
I hope you enjoy your life of being replaced by a vibrator. She has to try to get you in the mood now? Your lovely wife just admitted to you that she was horny, you should have been behaving like a caveman and dragging her off to bed! honestly, i tell my fiance that i'm horny we dont even make it to the bed, just wherever i happen to be saying that! Unless of course in a car, then he drives so fast i'm amazed he doesn't get a speeding ticket or an accident.
nobody81 4
**** the double standard. I hate women who think all they have to do is show up for sex. They complain about lack of foreplay but all they do is lay there like a dead fish. Replaced by a vibrator? Not before I replace her with a new woman who isn't as lazy.
Cinn_fml 23
Bitter about something? Yes, there will be girls who do nothing, but there will also be guys who are equally crap in bed. You can't just say every girl who complains her guy does nothing is lying because she must be the one doing nothing, because that won't always be true.
nobody81 4
Did I say that at all? Lemme check... no. No I didn't.
nobody81 4
Oh I think I see your misunderstanding. You took "they" out of context to mean all women. I was referring specifically to the women mentioned in the previous sentence, who think all they have to do is show up for sex.
Cinn_fml 23
Fair enough, I suppose. Sorry for the misunderstanding. (and yes, you're right, that was how I read it)
happyvampire16 0
#158 wins it. im a woman and i completely agree with that lmao. i admit i can be lazy but i mean when it starts going im the tiger and he's the bunny :p
BettyBoom_fml 0
they have pills for that buddy......
seroquels 0
ydi for not going after her. and to all the knobs calling her lazy, stfu...I would bet that she left for work because of how unsexy his delivery was. OP next time dont demand she get on her knees and serve. How about being sexy...take her in your arms, kiss her, pull her hair a lil AND THEN ask her to pleasure you (dont say "do somethin ta turn meh on woman!") or guide her hands and head where you want them. you'll get a better response i bet.
thwei 0
not really double standards tbh. men and women have different emotional and physical reactions to sex and the topic in general. these generalizations are made because thats usually how people operate, except for the special few. women who are horny wanna be wanted/taken but op wanted to help himself before helping her, instead of helping her and in the process helping himself. huge turnoff. her sighing was basically "really? I tell you I want sex and you sit there and tell me to please you.. and I have to go to work. the hell?" idsigh too. she started the whole topic. a women telling you she wants your **** is hot isn't it? guess not.
Chocolate_Chunk 2
she wants something, she can work for it, just like it is for guys. **** you and your double standards (and yeah, they are double standards, it's just funny that you spewed them around while saying that they weren't there)
logical_guy 0
wasn't telling you enough... ******
Alli137 6
Dude, seriously!?!?!?! She comes onto you and you say that??? If there is a next time, try to act interested!
Chomperz 0
You should have just told her to give you a fricken lap dance, doesnt that put you in the mood?
hlowe805 0
she said she was horny that shudv been more than enough for u
jmanwade 0
haha you're an idiot