Today, during labor, I farted every time I pushed with very deep sounds. I was so ashamed. I pushed so hard, I pooped and splashed the nurse in front of me right in the face. Everyone stopped laughing and the nurse didn’t talk until baby came. When my husband called my in-laws, it’s the first thing he told them. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a pregnant woman asked me to give her a demonstration on how to push when having a baby. I agreed and pushed, but I may have pushed a little too hard because I shat myself. The pregnant woman laughed and said she was hoping that would happen. FML
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
Today, I was nervously observing a delicate medical procedure while training at my new job. I tried to stifle a sneeze and instead (as you can probably guess) ripped the biggest, most cartoonishly loud fart of my life. My ass sounded like a tuba and I was asked to leave the room. FML
Today, I was waiting in line at the store trying to hold in a fart. I get to the cash register and the lady made me laugh and the fart slipped out. Only it was much louder than it was supposed to be, because I was squeezing my butt cheeks together, so it made a clapping sound. It was heard. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, right before my hubby got home and walked into the bedroom, I farted. The smell was so bad that he thought he'd stepped in shit and to looked at the bottom of his shoes for dog poop. I laughed so hard, but with a horrified look he asked, "How"? He says I've got to see a doctor. FML
Today, I sharted in work this morning. It was rather unpleasant and everyone around me knew what had happened. The embarrassment was stifling. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
AutisticPat 10
I’ve heard that this is pretty common. There’s nothing to be ashamed about! You just created a whole new person! :D If that isn’t something to celebrate, I don’t know what is.
Plop 17
Richard suffers from OCD, Obsessive Commenting Disorder.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (4)
AutisticPat 10
I’ve heard that this is pretty common. There’s nothing to be ashamed about! You just created a whole new person! :D If that isn’t something to celebrate, I don’t know what is.
Advance 57
I've heard it too. But I guess spraying the nurse's face isn't.
Plop 17
I don't think a turd counts as a "whole new person". Unless it's, like, reaaaally big, maybe.
RichardPencil 32
Of course, the nurse didn't talk -- she was totally shit-faced! I'll bet she gave you a shit-eating grin.
RichardPencil 32
Yes. And...?
Plop 17
Richard suffers from OCD, Obsessive Commenting Disorder.
Hangryko 32
F your life and F your nurse's life. Your husband could have kept that to himself, too.
ChipBoundary 9
Hell naw, I'd be telling everyone!!
FakeFriendMagnet 1
I don't have kids but I've heard that pooping yourself during labor is really common.