Today, my wife knelt down in front me to give me a blowjob. As she took my underwear off a moth flew out of them. I've got no idea how it got there but I was cock-blocked by a moth. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got up and started getting ready for work. As I entered the bathroom, I noticed a moth in the shower. Feeling generous, I caught the moth in a cup and took it to the front porch. I released the moth and watched it fly away… into a giant spider and its web. FML
Today, a moth was flying around my house. Annoyed, I picked up a shoe to crush it with. The moth landed on a light fixture on the ceiling, so I made my move. Dead, the moth slipped gracefully through air and onto my head. So did the light fixture. FML
Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML
Today, I managed to convince a girl to come back to my place for a bit of fun. Unfortunately, I was wearing cheap new black underwear, and some of its fibers had stuck themselves to my knob, making it look like a weird fleshy caterpillar. I didn't get lucky. FML
Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She went to the bathroom momentarily, only to be greeted by a 'huge' spider, which disappeared under a cabinet. Due to her chronic arachnophobia, this instantly turned her off and caused her paranoia all night. I essentially got cock-blocked by a spider. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. Things got kind of heated, so he decided to take off my bra. They cooled back down when a bug flew out. FML
Today, I woke up after a long night of trying to catch a moth. I'd knocked down furniture and screamed up the house to do so, but I finally got it. What did I see first thing this morning? Another moth. FML
Today, my wife surprised me with a blow job. Turns out it was a punishment for not doing the washing, as she did it with Chilli powder in her mouth. FML
Today, my wife figured that a good foreplay move would be to rub MY underwear in MY face. FML
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Top comments
scout333 15
When you've got moths in your groin, you know it's been a while.
catwomam 15
Personal hygiene is a must!
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Comments (110)
fml510605 16
Later that night the same moth ****** your wife better than you ever will
LITTLEHORNFISH 7
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAGAGAHAHHAHA I wouldnt even be mad xD
RememberSchlitz 9
And how did you manage to miss the obvious opportunity to make a Godzilla vs Mothra Kaiju sex game out of this?
becca1998 22
That is disgusting
jennygill 6
I would have laughed and continued. Maybe the moth flew from her mouth into your underwear...it was a ploy because she didn't want to do it to begin with. She just wanted points for the effort, yet blame and punish you was the true prerogative.
Aiden89 23
I'm sorry OP but, I seriously laughed out loud at this. What was your wife's reaction?
DanCastellaneta 17
I was gonna make a joke about Australia here but this whole FML just baffles me.
shortcake18 15
If there were bugs in my mans pants I would not go down there.
fubblenub 3
Shouldn't have been cheating on her with a moth tbh.
dannidoll93 24
At least it wasn't a spider in a web? Hope nothing bugs your wife next time OP