Today, my wife and I had another couple over. My wife was beside me while we all talked in the kitchen. I turned to put something in the fridge, and the other couple went into the next room. Turning back, I groped my wife's breasts playfully. She screamed and slapped me. It wasn't my wife. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Foreshadowing
Today, while my husband and I were arguing, he walked away in the middle of my sentence yelling, "Remember babe, you're only my current wife!" FML
Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML
Courtesy visit
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend on our couch. Meanwhile, my parents came to visit us without telling me. FML
Sponsored by Popov
Today, my wife, who has a drinking problem, looked me straight in the eye as she poured herself a "water" bottle to enjoy while at work. FML
Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML
The struggle
Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML
Insult to adultery
Today, I found out that the same police officer who has arrested me twice has been sleeping with my wife. FML
Killing the mood
Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML
Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce. She also confessed that she has been cheating on me with my best friend for 10 years. I appreciated the honesty, but was slightly upset considering we have only been married for 9 years. FML
Top comments
Squadoosh 0
How do you not realize it wasn't your wife? Unless you just spun quickly and grabbed the first boob you saw.
fmlfmlfml15 0
Lesson learned: Look before you grope
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Comments (110)
doggie3 0
Go die, number 2. It's a woman world now. Men would be nothing withoutjt women.
screwtaylor 0
Amen.
DeathShad0 1
Men would be nothing without women? Try the other way around as well to avoid sounding like a sexist feminazi.
MaddogTotten 0
Go learn what equality means, bigot. And last time I checked, without women, men would still be in paradise in the company of God.
Underwhelmed 0
Because so many men would rather be in the company of God than in the company of women........? Don't reference the Bible on FML, come on now.
Underwhelmed 0
Your comment is so deliciously ironic. Way to call someone else a bigot and then say something so idiotically misogynistic about men still being in paradise without women.
_THE_MASTER_ 0
wow...another bible whiner who takes scripture literally... did it ever, one time even, cross your mind that the stories in the bible are just that? or do you believe in giants, too? don't you think that pehaps the bible was written with the intent of, oh, i don't know, just giving us stories with morals that give us a kind of guidline on how to lead good lives? people like you are the reason why I turned away from Catholocism. believing in god and jesus is great, don't get me wrong, i envy those a little bit with that kind of faith, but honestly, the literal interpretation of this book needs to be ended. maybe just take away from it what they tried to convey. love your neighbor, respect your parents, don't kill people, don't take shit that isn't yours, and the world will be just peachy. stop acting like there was a garden of eden and that adam was hoppin around when god said, that dude needs a friend. took him, and was like, here bro, this wont hurt a bit, and rips a piece of his ribcage off and makes eve from that. really? is that really how you think the human race was started? come on now. that's just ridiculous.and how'd you get on the topic of god anyway? OP was tryin to cop a feel of his wife and wasn't payin attention, and grabbed his buddies wife's rack instead. how do you leap from that to god? and, also, for the record, it's MY world. or...it will be. so STFU.
myalteregoisaDr 0
1st it isn't a woman's world now (men still hold more of the important positions in the world making it a man's world if anyone's... also we don't need to have one sex in control, having an equal balance would suffice) 2nd women have definitely played a large role in the development of society and many other things, but don't you think that its just a bit sexist to say that men have done absolutely nothing without women. If you honestly believe that then your stupid. Also learn to spell its without not withoutjt and woman's not woman. You don't really put up a good case for women when you sound illiterate...
madZONE_fml 0
stop being so sexist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the world NEEDS women people!!!!! we give birth. the human race would come to an end if we didnt reproduce. unless men can somehow find a way to get pregno and become gay so you can fall in love (if u want to) and reproduce, then good luck. but i doubt god is gonna do anything about it if u kill off every woman on the planet. and some people dont even believe in god. so... there.
fmlfmlfml15 0
#137 is right, we are all equal. sure men wouldn't be anything without women, in fact they would cease to exist if women weren't there to reproduce (not like that's their only purpose). however, women need men to reproduce, so it all balances out.
tonyDlolli 0
#138 that is their only purpose. the reason that male bodies are so much different than females bodies is because the men were dessigned to get food while the female was created to watch over the household and get pregnant. Also at everyone that said men wouldn't last without women... If by some mysterious force every single woman on earth dissapeared we would cope. Science in this age is amazing. Pretty soon every couple would be two men and both could get pregnant. So **** women.
HitList 0
You f**king asshole, what gives you the right to say women are worthless?! You must be some middle aged jackass who's still living in the past, Men and Women are equal in a lot of places now. You know what, Never mind the world surving if all the women left, the world would be BETTER off without complete pieces of shit like you!
fmlfmlfml15 0
wow #143, you sound like your wife left you and you havent gotten laid in months....no....years!!! And you're wrong, the world wouldn't be better off without women. the world would be better off without douchebags, much like yourself.
mohit88 0
Next grab her ass
Qup 0
whooops!
zander09 0
Look before you lech.
devondv 5
I can't vote anymore. Darn
ryansims 0
I agreed your life is ****** because your marriage will suffer
sublime93 0
The beginning of the fml made it sound like it was gonna be good... then it turned into another one of those stupid ones.
Ketz 0
YDI for not recognizing your wife.
MiniatureMayhem 0
YDI. Why would you grope your wife while you had guests in the house?
savlover 2
WAts ur problem>?????